GET GONE
The Beginning of an End to a Beginning
by Eduardo 

   Saturday.
   Dived out of bed this morning at twenty to nine. The alarm went off at seven, but I was just too tired and Liam let me sleep for a while. I knew he would wake me in time, so relaxed and grabbed a little more bed time.
Liam already had the kettle on my the time I got downstairs and had a quick shower. Just like a couple of pro bachelors we smoothly got ready well before nine and sat waiting. I could tell he was very excited at the day out and meeting Bella's daughter, Charlene.
Bella fancied driving so we went in their Chelsea tractor mpv, instead of mine. Gives me a break anyway and she reckons she's a good driver.
Wow, whenever I see this lady she looks class. Liam had been watching for them arriving and said out loud to me.
"She looks really posh."  He said to me peeking out of the inner door.   "Really smart lady."
It was quite nice to hear his approval of Bella and know that he can spot quality when he sees it.

  We got into the car and set off, leaving the kids in the rear to hit it off or not.
Within minutes they were talking and laughing, like long lost friends.   I sat back and let Bella drive, knowing that today was going to be a good one, I could feel it.  Looking sideways at Bella I contemplated what it would be like to be around this lady permanently, not for the first time either.

  As we journeyed I started to relax and feeling quite safe with Bella's driving skills.  Her mpv is quite responsive and she certainly knew how to effortlessly drive it hard sometimes.  Being an advanced driver, it is difficult to feel comfortable as a passenger in a car without a damn good driver.  With her, I easily relaxed and enjoyed the music, children's happiness and our conversations.  In fact talking too much cost us a huge one hour detour, we missed the motorway turn off twice and toured half of Kent before finally getting back on track.   The Tom Tom was about as useless as a lead duck and didn't even know where Larkfield was, let alone guide us there.
Why on earth do people buy these Tom Tom's?  All you ever hear about is driving into dead ends or even worse, into the river!  Give me a good car compass, road map and common sense any day.

  We arrived around twelve after stopping off for some refreshments on the motorway and left the kids to it. Liam already knows the place from school outings there, so was pleased to be the boss in charge showing Charlene where everything was.  Its quite a big complex with three pool areas and a wave machine.  Though standing dead central is this unusual water slide, which after warping you around some sheer bends, deposits you in a very undignified manor out of a bottom chute. Which the kids fell in love with immediately.
Bella and I sat in the restaurant section.  Neither of us wished to swim, her because of the work for her hair afterwards and me obviously for my metal fused neck which gets a bit upset when I twist it around a lot.  A rather noisy and rough place and not really the ideal surroundings, but we were there for the kids and they were having untold fun.  So we contented with conversation over cokes and coffees for a couple of hours, until they were exhausted.
We slid off and sat in the quietness of the car and fresh air while the kids had a cheeseburger and side plate. Well, all that exercise, they were starving as kids usually are.
After a while they sauntered out and we set off to Tonbridge to find food ourselves as we were both starving for real food, not junk.

  Parking around a chinese all day buffet, we left them quietly chatting in the car outside while we enjoyed seconds of a huge selection of very tasty food.
As we set off for the final leg of the journey, Charlene went to sleep and Liam kept texting me about Bella.
The first one read   "Good woman and I always wanted a sister or brother. lol."
Not knowing he was texting me I was very surprised when I read it for two reasons.  One he had obviously decided that Bella was excellent for me and good 'new mum' material and two, this sudden 'sister' thing.
I pondered upon the thinking behind his words and examined the psychological normality of his present environment and emotional state.  He is more desperate than I to fill the huge cavity left behind from so many years of unity as a family, I realised that today even before the texts started arriving.  Its normal and to be expected from anyone not just a child.
He needs a mum replacement but more than that, a mum who is based in the world of reality.  He has special needs himself which has not been helped by having a mum on a purely spiritual path rather than the understanding reality one he has always needed.  Her answer to his problems were always   "Chant about them."   Which in essence I agree with, but a child needs material guidance as well as spiritual and he only ever got that from his dad.

  I text back   "She's into serious stuff, long term love stuff."
Hoping he would understand from our previous conversations about not feeling able to commit myself that way right now.  It was Liam after all that reminded me the other day about not rushing into things.   Now though, he's working faster than me!
Before any time to reflect further, another text arrives.
"But your having a good time.  Isn't she hot enough?"
Feeling this texting could go on for the entire journey I just answered back
"No, too cool. Not ready yet, need to laugh first."
Don't know whether he understood or not, but no more texts.
I studied Bella long and hard on the way home, not speaking much preferring instead to stay in deep thought and missed longings.

  Longings to be doing this more often as a regular family in the future, but thought at what that would entail.
Firstly, it would need immediate and total commitment to another woman for keeps and secondly, adapting to a totally different life.  As I am unable to do either of these things right now, it would seem pointless to consider any possible relationship with Bella, but the thoughts do keep persisting.  I contented myself by deciding to just keep this plutonic as it was, and forget chasing impossibilities for the moment.   She would never allow me into her inner sanction without total commitment, her barrier is set too high for a temporary boyfriend so, how sweet the meat, I may never know, but if that is destined then so be it.

  Liam asked if we could go back to Bella's house for a while, so I said okay but asked her to drop me at home and I would come round in an hour, so she did.
I needed to check a few things at home but even more, wanted to grab a while to myself and take some heavy pain killers.  My neck has been on fire all day and the tongue has become quite numb.  I Figured out the cause on the way home as being the seating and suspension in Bella's car.  I'm not used to the different seat so my head had no support.  Also I noticed that the suspension shock absorbers did not filter the tiny bumps as I'm used to. Next time I will take my neck support cushion,  just not used to being driven out for the day by beautiful women, so I forgot.

  I drove over to her house after about an hour and we sat sipping wine while the two play mates lost themselves in Runescape.  Not long afterwards Liam came to say he was tired and ready for home so with normal farewells we departed.
We had just got inside the porch and taking our shoes off and Liam said
"What's wrong with Bella dad?  She's nice and I can tell you two get along together."
"Yes, but not that way." I explained.
He continued as we got into the kitchen about wouldn't I be happy with her?
I stood next to him in the kitchen almost eye to eye, as he sprouts up threatening to top my six foot. Putting my hand on his shoulder I said.
"Look son. The house is clean, I get get cooked meals during the week and at the weekend?  We can have fun. We can go where we want, when we want. What more do we want?"
"Not much."  he smiled back. I know he is only missing a mum and the family that goes with it.
"Apart from that."   I added.   "There's Eveylene maybe, and that would be great fun. I would be a fool not to experience that."
"You re right there Dad.  That would make you happy."
"Oh course it would son.  Me at fifty seven hand in hand with a cute little twenty something?  I would be the envy of every male."
He laughed back  "Cool dad."  and went off to play a little Runescape

  Sat here and a funny thought came. Eliza started all these 'black' women stuff and fantasised with such power and to such a rigorous extent about my having black women in my life, that I now have two. For real and who knows, there's Mombassa to come!  Now that is what I would call powerful cause and effect.  I have never failed to wonder at Eliza's power to create events to happen, she has manifested that power so many times though, always using my physical support to maintain its existence. So I was not joking when I told her weeks ago about the cause and effect she was making and how that was going to affect my life. I even shouted at her many times to just stop talking about it. It became like she was almost cursing me to a destiny surrounded by black people. Even the holiday to Mombassa would not have been booked without the causes created.
And I certainly would not be considering being loyal to anyone new right now, black or white.
Its just dawned on me that if Eliza had spent her time chanting to make others dreams come true instead of her own, she might have succeeded in her own financial quest. She always prayed for peoples peace and happiness, but too consumed with her own fantasy's and desires to be an actual part of others success. Now all that's left to her is to find a man already successful and no woman to spend it on.  Best of luck.

Liam just came down and its clean teeth and of to bed for the pair of us.

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