GET GONE
The Beginning of an End to a Beginning
by Eduardo 

   Sunday.
   We both woke up this morning at around eleven to the phone going. We stumbled downstairs like two bleary eyed guys who had been on the town all night and attended to the important things in life like putting the kettle on and getting the frying pan out for a bacon sandwich breakfast.
We ate and then checked the incoming call by dialling 147. It was Angelina so I phoned back.
She was probably worried about Liam and how he was reacting to it all, which is very natural as they are family. I assured her that he was okay and doing well, but felt it unwise to spell out the truth, for her affinity must ultimately lay with her mother. The fact is, Liam has become a different person, we both have. We have been without conflict since mum left. No more getting irritated with each other and having to shout to get things done, he gets on and does it now. The last two weekends he has blossomed not only because we are getting on so well together, but because the constant unpredictability of his mum is now gone. I feel he misses not having a mum more than his mum, which tells me he did not like his mum too much in the first place. I must admit its not very good from his point of view.
Five years of seeing his mum not only sick but constantly in a bad mood and tongue lashing everyone, him included. Then five years of more tongue lashings because she was better and not getting her desires, with him often paying for her bad mood by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. During the past ten years he has seen his dad tired, worried and angry all the time from the persistent demands. Now he is older and able to do simple two plus two, he has obviously formed his own opinion about mum and there seems little I can ever do to change that. He shows no interest when I encourage him to keep contact with her. I feel there is something he deeply disagrees with about his mum, as he forms more realistic ideas about how families should be with each other. Its part of his recent curriculum at school.

  Mind you, he was a mistake in her eyes. An obstacle that brought a halt to her journey of fantasy in life at thirty five. Which of course the male sperm was to blame for. She has brought it up many times over the years when things were not going her way. And I know, Liam has heard her shouting about it and saying some very hurtful things, several times. So he had already suffered the feelings of rejection and being unwanted by his mum before she broke up this family. In his eyes, her leaving us was just final proof of what he already knew. Not I think so much because she left us, but the way she did it and her clearly stated reasons. Hence, where most kids might be distraught, Liam is actually happy the way it is. One day perhaps when Eliza finds her way back to reality, she will realise how she disregarded the love of not just one, but two wonderful men in her life and how she threw away a family matched in the heavens.

  I look down our street, I look at the celebrities, the people I meet and just those passing by. Though they desperately search, none will have the rare opportunity to experience that which Eliza discarded, there were times it was higher than the stars but the karma dragged in to the lowest depths and ultimate destruction.

  Its time for me to do house chores. Liam's ironing for school tomorrow, leg of lamb to put in the oven and get things ready.

  Just received an email from a friend, who I think is half hoping Eliza will come to her senses and I will forgive. Blah, blah, blah. Though if she truly reads this, she will know that will never happen. I never rebuild bridges that I myself had to dismantle. This is the first day of a totally new path for me, where most of the past plays little part in. Like many, I may not really have a true path yet, but neither was the last sixteen years. For now I enjoy what there is to enjoy and suffer nothing. After the holiday, all will be sorted and clear in my mind and a new more permanent era will begin.
However the part that interested me in the email was about compassion. This is a subject close to my heart at the moment, for there still remains a nagging concern that I should feel greater compassion for Eliza. But then I question, where would the Buddha or God draw the line under compassion? If someone who only fantasises they can swim, persistently continues to throw themselves into the water. How many times do you pull them back out before patience wears thin? Especially when the depth of water is a bigger illusion than the fantasy of being a champion swimmer in the first place!
When someone continues against all advice to overload themselves with this mental torture, where is the line of compassion drawn? For it is not endless. I am an extremely persistent person and often stood rightfully accused of having too much compassion for Eliza and others. No, my compassion ended the other day when I last saw her. The position she has put herself in and the reasons for doing it are pathetic.

  Seems I am destined to have parrots around me. Years ago I had an Amazon blue, then an African Gray, now though, I have a beautiful bright green one.
Liam went to the local garage to buy some biscuits for a little experiment cooking he was doing and came back with a neighbour and green parrot!
Apparently on his way back he saw the bird in the street and unable to fly, so enlisted the help of a local chap doing his garden, who managed to catch it.
I still have the parrot cage so we carefully put the bird inside. Its one of the wild ones that fly around here, there are hundreds of them along with cockatiels, that all escaped many years ago and have been breeding in the wild ever since.
Its wings are okay but very shocked and extremely weak. I think maybe it is a youngster and only just flying.
Still if it lasts the night out and eats tomorrow, it will live. Decided its a girl and called her Georgia.

  We have just had a delicious dinner even if I say so myself. Leg of lamb, yorkshires and roasties. While we were clearing away he asked.
"When's Evelyn coming?"   He always asks the same question every time there's some housework to do.
"Oh after the holidays."   I replied.
"But that's ages."
"I know, but it gets cleaned on Thursdays. We can cope until then."
"Okay."   He answered and went off to lay down for a while.
Liam is stuffed and once I've finished this its coffee, shower and bed.

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