GET GONE
The Beginning of an End to a Beginning
by Eduardo

   Tuesday 08:50
   Liams gone off for the week, leaving us to sort out this mess.   The prayer room is totally wrapped and packed, just her clothes and shoes to pack today and that's it.  Where on earth she is going to put everything in the new place, I don't know.
Not much speaking this morning until after Liam left, as Eliza is still very upset at his comments yesterday when he apparently told her it was a lot happier around the house when Evilness was here and he will be glad when she comes back.
Well, that's what Eliza has just told me anyway.  That's dragged the whole black christian thing up again.
I dismissed it with a chuckle about how everyone else is so certain about how my life is going to happen, yet I don't yet know myself.
"Oh she will come back and clean more than your house and you will marry her."   She started up again.   "And she can have all this. I don't want yours or this house's karma any more."
I just could not help laughing back.
"This is all so unbelievable.  Here we go on another fantasy.   Don't forget."   I replied.   "I've had many years of training in making fantasy's come true, so careful what you wish for my dear."
"Oh you will be surrounded in blacks."   She retorted with that so usual puff of air from the nostrils.  Eliza is Taurus the bull in the horoscope and always reminded me of one when she gets firm about something.  She always adds a little nasal snort at the end of an  'I'm telling you'  speech.  I've never minded as its always been an early warning sign of her being upset about a subject.   Sort of just like a bull blows puffs of air from the nostrils when its getting peeved, so does Eliza at the end of sentences.
I looked back at her and said.
"But its you whose creating all this.  From the break up to ordaining what will be afterwards.  Its you that keeps on about I am going to end up with some black woman and be surrounded by blacks, not me!"
She knew instantly it was true and just replied.   "Its your karma not mine. You do as you wish."
Not wanting to let go off what I can see emerging as an extremely ironic situation, I kept the topic open.
"Don't you see Eliza?  Its you that's doing all the direction pushing,  its you who is creating the future.  First you had me married off to a lady from Uganda.  Now you have me married off to a girl in Kenya or, as you put it, some other black arse.  Its you that's creating the reality of a fantasy.  You are so convinced of me getting married to some black girl, you are making huge causes for it to happen.  Yet its the one thing you say you don't want to happen.
I am confused."  I added.   "Do you want it to happen or don't you?  Or is this just another fantasy for you to believe in, that will absolve responsibility and blame?  As if it is, then I understand why you would wish it to come true.  So if I do marry a black girl in the far distant future of fanciful thought, you could say there, I told you so."
I kept the whole thing quite jolly as even sitting here now, I find it all so amusing.  If I didn't, then I would have to believe that one of us is definitely mad.  So I sauntered off down to the lodge and sorted the desk.

  Eliza has just come into the office to say she is going to the estate agents to sort out moving in. She looks really deeply upset and just itching to give someone a good lecture.  I can see the pain I have felt for the past weeks, now starting to etch itself into her face as the dawning of reality approaches.
Human psychology predicts that as this loss deepens, there will be an increasing desperation to offload blame.  As anything else will demand the facing of reality.

  Okay, that's it!  Eliza has just come back and the flat is all set. Hurray!  Just need to go off to the bank now and draw three grand to pay the agent to make it happen today.  Then, its track down a removal team, pronto.

  Done all that and the removal firm has a vacancy for tomorrow morning! I cannot believe it. I had hoped twenty four hours, but did not think it would be possible.  Someone somewhere is watching over me and maybe, its now my turn to have wishes and dreams and, maybe a little fantasy now and again.  I feel so much more positive now and can see a way through this illusion I have been part of for so long.
The drive back from the agents was somewhat heavy, as Eliza has had a new realisation about herself.  This new concept is supposed to apparently explains her erratic and bizarre thoughts and actions. She has special needs and always has had.  A mild Asperger's or some other form of autism difficulty she reckons.
So she starts having a go at me and getting really upset because I don't make allowances or understand this disability she has suddenly acquired.
Yes it is true, that when younger and from what Eliza has revealed about her youth, she possibly did have some special needs, maybe even moderate.   But by the time I met her the only special needs she had, was a billion in the bank!  It may now be only millions, but the special needs are still the same, only much more consuming.
So now the story is that, no-one understands her ways as they are so different and, she quoted all the famous people who have special needs.
Again, that is very true. Einstein is a classic example of the unruly and very different student, who was a drop out due to his special needs. Freud, a classic schizophrenic who used his abilities to see both sides. In fact most of the famous in history had as we know it today, mild to medium special needs. Even many of the super rich like the Virgin boss had or have these difficulties. But just look at how they used them to create new worlds for others.  None of them lived a self centred existence and they have contributed so much to the society we have today.

  So if her special needs is too blame for all this, I don't buy it.  Just another reason to mask the truth.  The kind of disruptive special needs she would need to have to be responsible for all this, may have existed as a child, but like everyone else, we grow out of and adapt to society.  Or at least try to.  Special fantasy's yes, special needs no.

  As we reached home, I could sense her sadness as reality took hold for a few minutes. Sensed so much, that tears came rolling silently down my cheek. We did not speak further.
The half silence continued inside as we drank a coffee, interspersed with a little small talk. We did some instant frozen mash, gravy and frozen veg to go with the ready cooked chicken from Sainsbury's and eat a quite meal. Before going to bed to make love for the last time.  I slept like a baby.

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