GET GONE
The Beginning of an End to a Beginning
by Eduardo

   Sunday 12:10
   A late rising this morning, I felt a need for the rest. After a shower and a bacon sandwich Liam made for me, I came down here to the lodge while Eliza does morning prayers.
Yeah last night was carnal pleasures again, but there was definitely something missing this time, and only gratification results. Not those wonderful warm feelings that used to be.

  When I awoke this morning, I laid as usual thinking for a while and realised that both my previous wives, had wanted to continue sexual relations after we had separated. I remember previously thinking about how the present situation with Eliza was strange, but now realising it had happened twice before and I remember with two girlfriends.
I know for a fact that in Eliza's fantasy world she would be very happy if I went to her new place twice a week for a hot meal and nooky. She has already suggested to me.
So I start to think that maybe I have missed out on my vocation in life. I should have been an, 'in every door - out every window Casanova!  It appears to be the only thing I can truly satisfy every single woman I have had any relationship with, no matter how bitter the parting. Even Eliza thought I was possibly a casanova when she first met me, even though I never have been. Faithful and true to one woman has always been the morale fibre, although I must admit to feeling the urge to flirt sometimes, but always bottled it as against principles. I always put it down to some kind of animal instinct that I needed to tame. Maybe I should just be faithful and true for much shorter periods like sixteen hours and move on, instead of sixteen years. Either that or just be a lover and friend to many at once. Damned expensive in condoms though and non of my favourite pussy kissing, in fact no kissing full stop, its all body fluids.
So maybe I've missed out big time, as years ago it was quite safe to have many sexual partners though, not so wise now unless extreme selectivity is applied, which in the heat of romancing can be forgotten.

  Eliza just came into the lodge and spoilt the day as usual with her delusional concepts.
"I cant understand."   She says. "How you achieved it all for your previous partners but not for me."
"Very simple."  I replied.   "Before you, I never allowed anyone to sway me into their trip.  I did my own thing and provided my own way, without constant pushing down some fantasy path of achievement.  That's why I was able to do it then and not now to your impossible standards."
"You have never been able, its your karma."  She scalded as usual.
"My karma?"   I said back raising my voice in exasperation with her. "Since I have known you, only once have I ever done something of my own volition.  Every other thing in our life together is a result of being dragged along your illusionary paths of ever moving goals.  Its been one huge ride of fantasy with all the real life problems and tribulations that such a reckless path brings. Its your karma that brings us where we are today, not mine.  Its your karma that took us places others would not dare to tread.  Its your destructive karma as everything always has been, not mine."
"My karma has not destroyed anything."  She retorted.
"Oh no?  You destroyed all this around you and your family to chase dreams like some spoilt sixteen year old, what do you call that? If that's karma, you can keep it, go and live with it on your own."
"And."  I continued.   "All this rubbish about married to the Buddha and how we are all immaterial mortals in comparison. I suppose everyone is just supposed to accept and adapt to being some insignificant servant to you because you pray to the Buddha?"
"He is my master."   She quipped back.
"Well go away from here and leave us to pick up the pieces of reality.   Go and live with the Buddha and let him make all your illusions and fantasy's come true. Somehow I don't think he is going to be happy with you."
"Oh he will be, I am changing karma and that's the problem, you wont change your karma."   Came the sarcastic reply.
"If changing karma is about destroying a secure present for some illusionary future, then I am happy to keep my present karma."
She changed tact and said.
"Your karma is to go and get yourself a black arse and lick her pussy, go and put your head down there into her Christian hell hole."   She raved back at me.
"Once. Just once.  I mentioned about liking one black backside and now you have me besotted by black women, succumbing to their black magic and fancying nothing but black woman.   You are totally insane my dear!  And just like everything else in your life, it becomes distorted to the extent of destroying reality in the present and future."

  Then Eliza asked if I wanted a coffee and made one which I thanked her for. Then came the inevitable.
"Can I have some money please?"
She is off to a buddhist meeting in London and quite frankly, I am concerned how she is going to be when she arrives back home later.  These memoirs are being widely read now and already known by some other Buddhists, who very strongly disagree with her incorrect actions.  As they all know that this is not the actions expected of someone practicing Buddhism.  If anything, it is very wrong with untold effects.  Putting love for ones husband and family anywhere on the scale except first is a very bad cause according to the Buddhist way. Buddhism is not just about positive change in our lives, it is about love and honour to family and all living beings. Irrespective of colour, creed or race.
So I handed over forty and she took some pound coins from the jar for the train.  Now, I am thinking if anyone there will say anything to her.  Eliza is fully aware of my writings of these events, though obviously could not care less.  Also one of her two buddies goes to these meetings and, also gossips with the others whom Eliza despises.   If  Eliza is confronted by any one there with a truth, she is quite likely to go ballistic, not there but on us when she gets home.
The whole flaming fault trip and karma thing over again but magnified a thousand times.  Oh, roll on the next few days when these tiresome worries will be gone along with the whole fantasy trip.

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