GET GONE
The Beginning of an End to a Beginning
by Eduardo

   Day Three 18:16hrs
  Just spoke. Asked if she intended to continue the curses and black magic? Smiling, humming and putting a bubbly happy face on she gave no remorse or guilt of action or refusing to continue. I asked her if she was aware of the consequences in the religious sense, she tells me yes and seems deliriously happy with it. She asked why, I replied that I could not live in a house full of demons and witches. I reminded her that when devils like the ones she commanded this morning are released, they do not often go back and have a nasty habit of being turned around and sent back with great force upon the sender.

  If I started practising black magic, she would leave in an instant. If I ever thought of using Buddhism for evil, I would be barred from her life forever. When I mentioned how she may have to pray for years to a very compassionate Buddha for the unforgivable wrong in all religions she is committing, she scoffed.

  Sadly I gave the alternative that I had no option but to move into the garden flat. As I am not prepared to share my home and bed with them, so she may now fill the whole house with them and live happily in the fantasy.
She was remarkably happy with that alternative and told me to go off a sleep in the bed with the smell of Her.
For someone who innocently included Eliza in her prayers, this one has blossomed into the blackest of all devils. Much much bigger even than the devil in Portugal years ago. And that experience with Eliza was heavy and a big warning never to be enveloped into one of her devil trips again. Yet here we are again twelve years and many smaller ones later. Different subject, massive devils that have now started materialising, for they have been summoned to do so.

  Maybe I should re-write this lot and print it as a book. I have pinched myself several times while writing this, just to ensure I was really here in 2007 and not in some nightmare. So it must be pretty mind blowing.

  The only reason I started writing was to out something tangible to see on paper so I may try to understand what was going on. Somewhere along the line, it became dedicated to Eliza and then drifted away into generality. Now I feel its more like a diary of the most major event in my life.

  Maybe there are some words of wisdom in here somewhere on what not to do. I don't know. I write as I feel without thinking of what was before.
Murat is coming over tonight for a chat, it will be refreshing to hear a Muslim view of things in my present world of nothing but sorrow.

  22:59
   Just dropped Murat off at station. We had a long chat then he came home to talk with Eliza, all to no avail of course except to hear her real agenda. Very happy that she has the whole house to herself and she can move on. Go partying get laid and enjoy.
So there we are as I said way far back in these ramblings, I always knew the possibility of this happening. Its Eliza, its her nature its what she does.
I now understand why she views me in such contempt sometimes and why everything I've done is un-worthy and why over the past years, she has ground away at my esteem. When we met in Portugal, i had just come from UK where I had been a reasonable size 'big man', who had achieved a lot. I was the answer to her dreams. Intellectual, not too sexually demanding and someone capable of helping her achieve those dreams. That was before a car accident and disability. We came back to UK after chasing another of Eliza's ideas to Morocco, but the 'big man' was not big anymore. Ten years had passed and ability was limited. Things had changed and so had I. I knew from that day on there would be problems. Eliza's goals were to be a billionaire and I was the chosen machine to make it happen. I couldn't and therefore failed and in her eyes have been failing ever since. Eliza has zero tolerance towards anyone not satisfying her wishes and that includes me.

  So here we are. Her health is coming back and strength growing, just as her old desires are to boogie, party and enjoy. What I have provided is second rate, but useable. Just like I've been all these years. Now she has the launching pad to spread wings and leave behind useless things in search to satisfy whatever new fiction. She simply needed a reason.

  Oh course she hurts just like I do, we are losing soul mates. But her need for adventure is stronger, her aims and needs are way above my capabilities and take precedence over everything. Even relationships. There is a very easy way to loose Eliza's interests. Stick around without creating any miracles for to long, you will soon become redundant.

  Anyway, despite Murat's talk with her, Eliza has made it abundantly clear she wants this situation as is, because it suits her perfectly and will allow her the freedom to do as she pleases.
She wants the house without human inhabitants, who are now just obstacles in her new fantasy.

  She still believes the cleaner has done black magic, wanted to oust her and take over, have sex with me and no doubt a very long list of other things. The venom and determination are stronger than ever about the fantasies.
She was very wrong about one thing though. Apparently I have nowhere to go, so I suppose she feels I am trapped. I think I said earlier, the only reason to stay around was to help protect her though, any permanent separation would need a great distance between us. I am certainly not trapped, I can think of at least two warm sunny places where I would be very welcome and appreciated. Apart from which, do you really think I could live in the garden while she enjoys the house with her new friends. If she's well enough to party, she no longer needs my protection and I don't need her pain.

  I will try to sleep indoors in the chair tonight, if the demons are asleep like their mistress. No point going upstairs, I am not worthy or welcome in her world so what's the point and too tired to shower anyway. Just sandwiches and few hours sleep in last few days, so a little weak, tired and dirty.

  Tomorrow is another day, lets see how the demons mistress and her fantasy world are in the morning.
I've stopped the constant tearfulness of last days, it just comes in a huge wave now and again that just consumes one and out come the tissues again. Liam has text me, he's really pissed off with mum. He will get over it, just a shame about his parents though.

  I could just go to bed, be nice in the morning like nothing ever happened and let it all ride over. I've done it before and for Liam's sake, maybe I will have to do it again. I just don't know.

  This is my halfway offer.
If you want me back in your bed, throw out the demons.
We will only talk about the past in positive or happy ways. The rest stays buried.
We will not belittle each other. No more statements of faults and inadequacies.
We will show appreciation of what we have and less displeasure over what is not.
You will find work immediately, even if in a charity for free.
We will not make demands beyond abilities to achieve them.

  This could work with a little more put in and a lot of zero tolerance taken out.

  We shall see the reaction tomorrow and how many additions Eliza wants to add. I have a little hope but not too much. And even if this works, it will still leave the question, "How long for?"
How long before the next devil or some fantasy suddenly bursts onto the scene? How will we deal with it again then?
Or when will Eliza, dissatisfied once more seek escape and a reason. I don't know and never have done, just the possibility of it happening some time.

00:30
Sleep.
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