GET GONE
The Beginning of an End to a Beginning
by Eduardo

 Weds 4th April 16:14
   Now I know. Now all is clear. The reason for my impending sadness for so long. The 'what if' screaming in my ear.
Its exactly that which I feared when all this started. Remember the preamble of auto diminishing someone prior to moving on?
Well that's it. Eliza has announced her most radical and very final decision. She wants another man!!
Someone who can 'shower her with gifts' as she states. An open marriage though the home is sacred. Unfortunately this is not some kind of fad or illusion, its fact and this is her chosen path with clear and indefensible intent.
Oh God. What a failure she must put me as, not enough money to satisfy her extremely expensive desires that often verge into illusions, and they can be very expensive as they usually fail.
   Now its the wedding ring I admit never buying. But like everything else, her expectations of a ring made nothing in the shops here suitable. I once found a suitable gold watch for six hundred and bought it for her. At least that pleased her and I have noted the odd admiration she glances towards it on special occasions its worn.
But the ring, that has been a problem. We even looked again at Christmas when we were in Romania. But the gold was not any better quality than here and therefore, totally inappropriate for her standards. Though I did buy her quite a lot of silver rings and sets which she feel in love with. But obviously, like everything else, counts for nothing now.

  We have been places with the money, but never has anything aspired. She wants the 'real' high carat gold, that's from Africa or Saudi and that's not easy to find unless we travel more, which obviously will not happen now.

  So here we are. The beginning of this story is now the truth of the end.
Looking back at what I could have done different to prevent this apart from being filthy rich, there is not much. Everything I have done since meeting her has been to the best of my abilities, and they are quite high. Sadly not high enough for the would be billionaire that Eliza adamantly proclaimed for years that was her destiny.

  Where to from here? God knows, I don't. Seems to me that been a 'stooge' in this relationship is not going to be comfortable enough to stay around too long. Anyway, the inevitable will happen, some new guy in her life will have enough more qualities than I to wish me gone and him in. It always happens, so why should this be different?

  So what I do and where I go?
At least there wont be the financial support element any more. Her new Mr Rich's can pay her bills, not I. Then I would be a mug, a stupid great big one, even bigger than I am now.
Its her statement not mine, her new men are going to be wealthy enough to shower her, so they can pay her bills out of their pocket change. Not muggings here.
At least that is a worry out of the way, as knowing Eliza's high desires and that she will have absolutely no problem attracting these men, I know that financially she will be okay and a lot better off than now. She is quite capable of squeezing the pennies from their pockets and putting it to her use.

  Obviously any talk of separation now would be final and however approached would be my idea only in her eyes. I think she fully expects that we will stay here together under one roof forever with this new 'arrangement'. Obviously, she knows that out there is a not a bed of roses and wants the security I can offer, at least until a replacement is found.
For everyone's benefit, least of all Liam, I must find a temporary solution until I have chance to regroup my senses and find my own new path and future without Eliza as that is the only direction her present path can terminate at, simple proven fact.

  Everything I have worked at and created is here in this property, its artefacts, books and a million other things. All along with what should have been a happy family at last that was showing signs of positive financial progress and least somewhere along the path of Eliza's huge expectations. How the hell do I leave all this and start a brand new life? Gosh what a situation, cant believe I'm a fool again for believing in someone so much, that my entire life has been as a servant to her desires. 58 years old and redundant! Though I did have a friend George once, whose wife ran off with a salesman and after a few months of seclusion he went off to some hot country for six months and brought himself back a twenty something beauty and as far as I know lives happily ever after. Though the fact he had a couple of million in the bank was a great help.

  Suppose its just another difficult obstacle that I must overcome, just wish she had not drained me so much leaving me so weak before this final announcement. Somehow I need to start generating massive amounts of cash to support the expenses I will shortly have of setting up life again in some far off land. Where maybe I will eventually die and fade away from history. No that wont do. Even feeling so depleted, I must achieve and leave something for Liam as I doubt her new men will care too much for his future.
So that's it, agree and pander to her for a while while a money machine that will support can be made. I reckon at the most I could have three months max, before running on borrowed time. Hope I can do it.

  Where ever I go it must be far away otherwise the emotional wrenching would continue, but then I would miss Liam too much and cry as he would. If I moved abroad he would want to come and that would spoil his education. But its just to expensive to support two homes here in UK, at least to give me any quality of life compared to what the same amount can buy in other countries.
And, lets not forget, that this entire internet marketing project of the past two years work is geared specifically towards what used to be Eliza's dream, to travel and live in far off places. So the entire project is built towards the ability to operate anywhere in the world that has a decent T1 connection and be as automated as possible. And that's most exotic places these days.

  But the present income must be pushed rapidly and securely up to at least treble that at present and four time to ensure a good safety net. All within three months. Problem is, things are not going as fast as hoped at moment, seems a kind of invisible barrier that once over, the flood gates will open. I am very close but not enough.
Once that's achieved and financial independence is gained, my old self will re-materialise I know and then I will have the strength to take this new challenge, though in regret and with a saddened heart and spirit.
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