GET GONE
The Beginning of an End to a Beginning
by Eduardo 

   Today being Tuesday it was time to drop the money off to Eliza, so we arranged to meet at the coffee shop as usual.
Her spiritually tiredness was very plain and coupled to the physical weight loss, she looked only a shadow of how she used to be, before Japan.

  Maybe if she had not have turned her back on everything I offered, she would still have the comforts that nourished and protected her for so long.  Maybe it was the same energy that nursed her back to health for so many years that fed the radiance everyone admired in her. The radiance has now gone, like a candle starved of oxygen it has been extinguished. I hope she finds someone to light the wick again, even if only to glimmer in its former glory. People say I doted on her to much, but maybe the years of spiritually feeding her with my energy when she was sick, just became a habit.  Maybe I did become her food, they say I have the energy of twelve men and the resources of a dozen more. Who knows in such a bizarre relationship what goes on.  Something I shall never experience again, that's for sure and don't really want to.
I could certainly never go back to it all again, I like the real world where demands are easy and just a little energy can produce miracles in others eyes. Its nice to feel a man who is important and needed, especially from a lady.

  Later in the day came the phone call I had been expecting.  The one talking about forgiveness and getting back together. My answer to any thought of that is simple. If sixteen years of talking about us and the past two years of intensive conversations to try and hold it together, followed by two months of perpetual conversation and trauma, did not achieve anything, there seems little point in discussing it all over again.  Apart from which the core problems have not changed and probably never will.  Over the years it was quite clear no man can ever be number one in her life, only her master.  My belief is that chanting frantically, excessively or extremely are not signs of good Faith, but rather of a deep rooted paranoia.  Ones approach towards life is reflected in the relationship with ones beliefs and prayers.   Eliza's confidence in her power is equal to the love towards her own identity and in turn this is manifested to all that is held dear.   This is the sad realisation of a life, where one does not realise that all efforts are ultimately in vain and resultantly, all that which is held good is pushed away.  Life becomes a long fantasy, sometimes so deep that people actually fall in love and commit all.  But just like playing cards in the casino, its a fantasy to believe you will ever win in the long term and sooner or later, the reality will hit and all is lost.

  The journey I am on now is very real and no fantasy.  There is no place in this realm for illusionary status or goals beyond the stars, anymore than someone who puts their husband second to someone or something else.  In fact, a lot of things will be absent in new relationships and already are.  The only zero tolerance that will ever be allowed under this roof again, is zero tolerance towards zero tolerance.  It may sound chauvinistic but any young lady living here will be humbly respectful and appreciative for the goodness that naturally flows, or she can exit the door pronto.  After loving deeply and loosing, there is no one that can get under the skin again, from the past or future.

  Though there is something pulling at my deepest emotions, I sense it often.  Sometimes its power is very strong and even my heart will beat in my throat from its onslaught.  I have felt it many times in similar situations of broken relationships or personal upset.   Normally it is weak, only comprising of the one person and there emotional thoughts towards me.  But there have been occasions when powers have been used.  I remember many years ago a certain girl named Zoe, even drew out circles and made love potions with her mother to draw me back to her.  That was heavy and now you know why I got the hell out of that relationship in the first place! Gorgeous girl I seem to remember, straight off a magazine cover but, mind body and soul sold to the dark side and a practicing witch.

  I can definitely feel some very powerful forces trying to weaken my resolve and forced us back together again. Whether its Eliza's chanting or someone else meddling, its effect can best be described, as a slight feeling of discomfort and only goes to strengthen the path I am now committed to. One of my very precious gifts is the ability to absorb negativity in massive doses if necessary and regurgitate it into positive energy.   When younger, a common remark was "You could fall into a cesspit and come out with a rosebud in your mouth".  Guess that's been my life, no matter what others do, I just bob up again like a cork in water.

  Sumana sent another text today asking if I would consider coming to stay at her parents house for even a week in term. Without strings, she added.  Must be crazy, saying no to such a fantastic opportunity to experience the ride of a lifetime.  Think she was hoping that we could get back together when she comes back to Richmond for the next term.  Its just not going to happen.  Mombassa is only days away and the future will be decided during the fourteen days there.  I have been very busy with emails back and forth to various people there and seems like I have inherited and entire clan of hoteliers.   This holiday is going to be as much about business as anything else.  The power of  Internet marketing is just starting there and everyone wants in.  In situations like that, opportunities abound for those with foresight and the wisdom to materialise them.  Romano, a distant uncle has even suggested that commuting back and forth from UK is not as expensive as one would think, around £179 return if a regular traveler.  So that opens up possibilities, especially as everything there would be under the auspicious family eyes.
   However, the cost may be unacceptable in other ways. Entering a clan comes with a price, in this case, Maria. Romano's youngest and at twenty five, most problematic daughter.  We were kind of put in contact with each other and swapped a few emails and photos, then a few video conferencing sessions.  Don't know how old fashioned this girl is, but she seems either well disciplined or very naive, not sure which yet.  Her facial features are stunning though.  Romano is second generation Sicilian from a Kenyan mother and his children's mother is also Kenyan. Their other children have strong Latin looks with a moderate Afro mixture.  Maria however, is pure African.  But, with the high cheekbone and elongated face features from Latin heritage.   So she has always been the different child and has a personality equally different, which according to Romano, causes him great heartache. Well, you know Latin's, very dramatic.
Anyway, Romano would like us to spend a little time together, which sounds very much to me like some old fashioned family match making.  He has promised the use a car at the hotel during the holiday, so that will be a big benefit. The rest?  Well, as always,the future is yet to be decided.  Maybe Evelyn will win the day after all, or maybe not.   Maybe none of it will fit in my groove.  Whatever happens, I will gain for a change and that's the most important.  The past was lit by another's candle that blew out in illusionary winds, the future is bright and self preserving.  The future is lit from my own energy, bolstered by the respect and love from another.