GET GONE
The Beginning of an End to a Beginning
by Eduardo

 Monday  8th  

   So here we are at page thirteen.  The previous pages have been an emotional ride that has left my soul in tatters and my heart in sorrow. I still cannot fully credit that all this is happening nor the reasons behind it.  I even fully expect Eliza to suddenly announce that none of all this ever took place and that I imagined or exaggerated it all.  It would be a logical way of dismissing the fantasy for a while and rescuing her present marriage, which I know that she is desperate to do. The thought of loosing me does cause her great trouble and distress and she is torn between two worlds, her karma as she calls it now and me.   The even bigger desperation though is to achieve her karma , so its obvious which will eventually win irrespective of what I say or do.  Its written in stone, its her karma.

  They say thirteen is unlucky for some, so lets see what today brings, eh?

  Quite day today.  No kiss, no good morning and very few words from Eliza.  That's good. I think she's off to London tomorrow for a meeting with Varisha a lady she has known for a while on and off.  You know the usual, one day she's a taker so a baddy, next she's a radical so worthy.  Anyway, I remember Eliza was shocked when this women confessed that during her change, she had many sexual lovers as her husband could not meet her new desires. I think the message to me at the time was sort of, watch out. Especially as she mentioned in a several different aspects and how today, this sort of thing seems to happen as the norm in relationships.  That was just before the Mr. Rich Dick announcement.

  Anyway, I am sure they will be happy tomorrow discussing this exciting new future Eliza has planned. Maybe Varisha has some Mr Rich leftovers. Oh course, I shall have to supply the money for these lunch outings.

  In a nutshell, being Eliza's friend, acquaintance or partner has only one rule.  While you keep giving materialism you are okay.  If you stop or do not give enough, that's it.  You are immediately cut off.  That's one of her 'zero tolerance' statements that have always be popping out.  No takers, no wasters, only people who can heap benefits upon her. "There's nothing for nobody here any more" as she has stated.

  So another quite un-demanding day tomorrow. Though must go out with Liam and buy him some new trousers and trainers, he is growing so fast these days.  Becoming quite a man actually and a handsome hunk at that.  Makes me feel proud to be with him. He will outreach my six foot slightly and heavier than my ninety kilos.  He has my thick set bones and dense muscle, but a whole lot more of it.  Yeah, he is going to be a good catch for the right woman one day. Just hope she is a realist and not a dreamer.

  We have been cleaning all the glass panes in the garden lodge after treating the wood yesterday.  We both lamented the maid Evelyn not still being here to do it as they used to shine every day when she was here.  There was a slight fracas with the neighbours yesterday late.  There kids were kicking the ball against our wooden fence.  Its happened before and I have usually received their respect.  This time though it was Eliza who shouted across the fence to them. I guess she was a little testy and her present anger state obviously came across wrong.  So a few hard words were spoken and Eliza got quite upset for a while. Suppose she wont be quite so friendly with them for a while, which is not such a bad thing I suppose.  They are no way near the path she is on.

  I suppose I must think about going up north and find my Mum's grave and say my prayers and apologies.  Still don't understand Eliza's sudden urgency that I do this.  Or where she gets that the woman is in anguish waiting for me to set her free.  She brought it up again yesterday when she came into the Lodge all angry and frothing that I better sort my poor Mum out instead of just sitting here.  Wow, she was really forceful.  Maybe she is right.  Maybe Mum cannot pass over until I visit her grave.  Maybe she is in anguish.  Maybe there are all the things that she wishes to say to me.  Maybe I will find all my answers and solutions from this visit with Mum.  Well, at least that what Eliza reckons.  That's okay, but with such anger and desperation?   Like I am so bad for not immediately dropping everything and driving off for two days to resolve it.

  Yes Mum and I have some very special connections.  She gifted me with some of them even though she never really knew me or hardly ever saw me. So I think maybe Thursday early hours might be good as its a six hour drive and I want to be there by 10 so I can start making enquiries. As for what I shall learn?  Well that depends greatly on how thoughts of all this period are resolved in my brain during the long driving hours.  I do not think Mum is going to speak any words to me about this situation and if she did, I reckon they would be the same as most would say.  So yes I will come back with better resolution of thought and direction of future, but they will be my own and I shall take responsibility for their success or failure.

  With Mum behind me in both senses, my new life will materialise and though I may not find the love, peace and simplicity will be abundant along with all the other normality which I so much miss.  As each day passes I am learning to slowly replace the constant onslaught of emptiness feelings with other matters.  I am beginning to see the reality of what there is to do and the disruption it will cause.  There is this entire office to move! And, then set it all up again somewhere else.  That is possibly the most daunting in my mind at present.  There are little in the way of things in the house I care for, except clothes of course.  Its always been Eliza's domain anyway.  I hope she keeps the house when Mr Rich offers her with the new mansion, even if only for Liam's use if he goes to a London Uni.  Other than that, for her own security and somewhere to go when Mr Rich starts to feel the inadequacies of not being the four men in one that's her karma to have.

  But that, while being a certainty, is in the near future and not at this moment in time.

 Tuesday 10th 14:46

  E has gone off for a luncheon with her friend Varisha somewhere in London, while Liam and I went off to Kingston for his trousers and trainers.  Couldn't resist this glorious white Nike outfit for myself and bought it.  I will look nice in that on some sun drenched day.  Liam and I spent time chatting about what was happening and he seems okay with it all now.  In fact had some very sensible contributions to the discussion.  We talked about the place in Kent and seeing him on some days and about the work it would all involve.  Then mentioned that afterwards, in the school holidays, how I thought maybe away somewhere in a lovely resort somewhere for a couple of weeks would then be needed.   He wants to go back to Kenya, I must admit the five star resorts are beautiful there.  So maybe that's where we will go, further south this time towards Mombassa.

  E and I had a long subdued discussion last night for a change.  She only got funny a few times and debatable with.  I think the magnitude of the effects of her actions are starting to dawn on her.  We talked of separation and the sort of place I would need to be near Liam. We talked of the ludicrous situation of her karma being too rich for me and that I would have to leave.  She made it quite clear that she would not be leaving the house, and I answered that was not what I was looking for anyway.  She is welcome to it as there is nothing of any worth here for me anymore.  Its all tainted with negativity and inadequacy.  I mentioned that I would need a maid and she suggested get one from the village.  No way.  She gets to know all my business and title tattles to everyone?  Uh,uh. The idea of importing one was decided to be best, though when she mentioned about not bringing 'that witch' back as a maid.  My reply I think was very apt.  "Better the devil you know".  Considering how this young lady is according to E, full of them.  Liam and I laughed about that today actually.  He feels same as I that Evelyn was a very nice, sincere lady with no harm towards anyone in her life. Liam even joked about how Evelyn a 24 year old would fancy a 57 year old man!  So i explained the concept of 'sugar daddies' to him.  And also explained how that department had never been a complaint from any woman in the past or future.  Italians maybe the best lovers in the world, but it was the Sicilian's that taught them.  He understands a lot better now.  He reckons we should get her back, if she wants to come that is after her experience here before and then see how things go.  I think maybe he is right.

  Meanwhile I await E's return from her luncheon date which I am sure will have produced some new ideas and directions in her mind.  I still don't know how she is going to deal with it when the final day comes and the removal lorry is outside.  Will there be a fruitless last minute repentance?  I very much doubt it, more like a torrent of scathing words. Still, that day will be faced when it arrives as arrive it must unfortunately.  We spoke of how if we stayed together my feeling of inadequacy to provide her karma would destroy what was left and, not forgetting that the minute Mr. Rich Dick arrived on the scene, that would be it for me anyway.  Even if by then I was in an affair myself, which is obviously what E wants.  I have every encouragement from her that if I allow Mr Rich Dick then I should have fun wherever I wish and with whoever.  That's just not my cup of tea though.  She thought that maybe we could still met up and go out together or that she could pop over to see me.  The meeting up sometimes or going out together as a family with Liam part is fine.  But my castle, I explained will be sacred.  No women visitors, not even her and that was final.  This disappointed her somewhat and further enforced reality upon her mindset. Yes, realisation is dawning and the future while not the rosy fantasy she had hoped, must be thought of and accepted, no matter how wrenching.   That's at least one good thing as when I eventually re-locate, she will at least be partially in reality about the situation.  If I left her totally in the illusions and fantasy's, the shock of touching earth would have been too much for her and she would have gone completely off tangent, with disastrous consequences for her. Her desires are clear, her needs cannot be argued against and her determination is all powerful.  My job is to gently introduce the reality of the consequences, which although causing her deep emotional upset to face, must be fully realised and understood.

  I now longer have thoughts that this could all be rescued.  It would take more cash than I have to resolve permanently.  And that's that.  Acceptance is the order of the day and although the heart is heavy when I think of these things, plans must be made.  Even though at this moment in time I feel like I've climbed a hundred mountains and swam a thousand seas.

When I come back from my Journey on Friday, I promise to reveal some really mind blowing stuff from the past that will have you in total dismay and disbelief. Like I said before, this story is still evolving

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