GET GONE
The Beginning of an End to a Beginning
by Eduardo

   Sunday 29th 13:00
   Another gloriously warm day and there was shopping to do. Liam reminded me last night that we need to buy some replacement stuff for our rather empty feeling home. So after coffee, it was off to Hounslow for a few nick knacks.
Liam has this idea to buy watches and sell them on eBay. So I have agreed we will look for a bargain and he can try it. Eliza was chanting when I got up, so sat in the garden and had my drink in peace then called Liam around ten to go.
  Not much at the market, but found a couple of really old capo ornaments in excellent condition and a small copper engraved hall mirror. Also bought a king size bed set, as knowing Eliza she will pack it all and leave nothing for anyone. Even though it will all be too big for her new double bed. Then Liam spotted this very nice square six by six rug hanging up. He has a good eye and I concurred.
"That is rather nice Son. How would it look in the front bedroom?"
"Yeah." He nodded in agreement. So we took a closer look. It seemed a good quality woven rug, still with the made in Belgium import sticker, looked like brand new and quite heavy. Perfectly made to adorn a polished wood floor.
It had a sign above showing seventy nine reduced to thirty nine, so I offered the guy thirty and he accepted.
Not exactly a replacement for the two grand one she takes, but it does look nice and we like it.
Honestly, if I am not keeping and eye out, she will have the loo paper packed! So on Liam's advice we have left all the stuff in the Chevy and as they say, out of sight out of mind for now.

  Eliza was on the phone as usual to her mate when we got home, not having any particular wish to speak with her, I carried on outside and got the hose ready. After several days of hot weather, the garden and all the various pots are getting dry. Besides the pathways at the front need a good washing from the dust and leaves.
As I was passing alongside the kitchen door, Eliza popped her head out and said.
"I hope you are going to buy me a cd stereo with wireless headphones."
"You are keeping the TV so I want a good stereo." She finalised.
Obviously still feeling aggrieved at all her demands over the years and the way she mine swept the house without even asking about any item, I just looked round and said.
"That's all right, when we go to the building society tomorrow, you can draw out some of that cash I'm giving you."   I quipped back possibly with a hint of sarcasm.
"Oh no. That monies mine I want to hang on to it." She firmly stated back, so I just walked off and continued my work.

  Monday 30th 7:30
   Liam's driver arrived at seven and he went off to school happily. Eliza got up as well to see him off which was good to see that happen. Wish she had done it more often though, Maybe when she is on her own, she might regret all those missed mornings of valuable family time, seeing her son off to school.
We sat afterwards and had coffee, talking as usual about stuff related to our separation. Obviously, E tried many times to bring up old pennies, I even told her once.
"Do you know I think you must have been Queen Victoria in a previous lifetime." She knows the story of Victoria and George her husband and the rich dicks like Francis Drake.
"She had this wonderful husband." I refreshed her memory. "He was a really good man, gave her everything and more. "Then, as soon as Francis came back with riches to shower upon her," I continued. "Down with the knickers! While poor George was at home, doing the best he could to satisfy the unsatisfied. Well, I continued. "I'm am not George."
The subject was maybe a little to close for comfort for her, so the conversation changed and she retorted.
"Its all these wasters that you attract to your life and then take there sides over me, that caused all this."
"Oh come on."  I implored back to her. "Its about one thing only. Money."   Then looked directly at her and said.
"It would not matter who I knew or whether I changed to your molding or not, if I had just some of my present qualities and a few million in the bank, you would be as happy as a pig in a poke. And you know that's true!
I would be the most sung hero in the world to you and could do nothing wrong. That's a reality and you know damn well it is fact!"
"Its not about money."  She tried to protest.
"Yes it is!" I snapped back. "Its always been about money, since the day we first met, you wanted to be a billionaire."
"Oh that was then."  She tried to dismiss.
"True." I replied. "But it lasted for several years, before downgrading to being a millionaire for the rest of our marriage. It wasn't just a dream to you like most others would treat it, it was a certainty that was and had to happen!  Trouble is, I turned out to be utterly useless in achieving it for you."
"Yes." She eventually concurred. "Its always been about money and not enough of it."

  I have often wondered about this money aspect of things as has caused me great concern over the years.  Kind of a desperation thing, when you know that this person whom you treasure more than life itself, needs so much of it and will only ever be truly happy with you if you provide it.  The one thing that baffles me is that since meeting Eliza, I have tried so hard to materialise great wealth.  I have done it before and lost it all due to by lack of respect for it, but for the past sixteen years, every single attempt to create that wealth necessary to keep this so called 'soul mate' faithful has failed.  Its been a little like if you want ten of something you must wish for ten thousand, as everything that has materialise was valued at only a tiny percentage of the requirements.  Its been like climbing a mountain full of unexpected obstacles only found in the oceans or crossing a desert finding solid ice where the desired oasis should have been. I am coming more and more to the conclusion that's it's her heavy karma that is preventing my usual ability to materialise money from sometimes nowhere.  The times in my past people have said about how fortunate I am and how I could fall into a cesspit, yet come up with a rose in my mouth.  I have not had a rose in my mouth for a long time, though been in many cesspits in pursuit of her wealth karma.

  Sure, to others looking in from the outside, we have it all!   Close and so much in love, comfortable home, lots of expensive things around us, a wonderful son, trips out and holidays and of course, lets not forget the soul mate thing, which everyone thought was so wonderful.   If only they knew the falsity of the illusionary soul mate. Sure, for me it was real and I believed it all hook, line and sinker.  But to Eliza, a soul mate is simply what others would call, being in love.   That's all there ever was in reality, very deep love, but even that was never unconditional from Eliza.  It demanded the maximum in spiritual and material input from a man, who would have to accept a second or third position of importance in her life.  As Eliza has been saying more and more over the past couple of years.
"I am married to the Buddha. He is my husband and master.  Where he beckons I go.  What he asked of me I do.  He is above everyone else, he is my protector and provider."
She stated this again this morning and I just looked at her and said.
"Eliza, if you say that to most partners, whether a believed soul mate or not, they are going to be gone!  To believe in something is one thing, but to force it down someone's gullet every day as a method of diminishing their importance to you?  You will never have a real partner and neither will you deserve one."
"I don't need any partner or their bloody karma's."  She snapped back at me.
"So who is going to provide all this wealth you so desperately crave for?"
"The Buddha will provide when the time is right."   Came the resolutely believed and firm answer.

  As usual another dead end.  There is no argument whatsoever against that and to do so would invoke more wrath than could ever be imagined, so I don't go there anymore.
"Well I hope you find what you are searching for."  Came my now automatic reply.
"Oh I will.  The Buddha will provide.  He knows what I deserve to have in this life. I have been surrounded by takers all my life and no one has ever given to me.  So now its my turn to dance and have fun and enjoy everything that I rightfully should have."
I looked downwards, stifling another tear burst as I felt again my unimportance in Eliza's eyes.  All the times she has scalded because I failed to deliver in the same style as the Buddha would have done.  Years of playing not just second fiddle to her true husband, which I could have lived with.  But third fiddle to the ideal mate in her eyes, the filthy rich one.  The one with time, money and no friends.  The one who must have all my qualities plus the bottomless pockets. The one who will bow down to her in humbleness and never dare to challenge.   Poor weak fool, she would end up despising his weakness and him.   Probably after sweeping him along with all her misguided soul mate beliefs for a while and then dumping him before moving on.
I can truly only see loneliness for her in the future.  Yes their are plenty of rich guys out there and, possibly a Muslim one.   But to meet all her other stringent demands in her partner?  No way.   I came about as close as she will ever come to true happiness and happy we would have been if not for this insane wealth karma thing.

  I remembered how yesterday she had asked why my colleague seemed to ignore her now.
"That man!"  She said yesterday. "Why is he upset with me?  What have I done wrong to him?  Just because I asked him for the money back he's turned against me?  Just like all the rest!"   She ranted on.   "Bloody takers!  No good people that's all you ever attract to your life. That's why I'm leaving you!"  Here we go I thought, now its his turn.  I could have answered and told her what I knew and how if the maid or some other person had not been around, it would have been the webmaster who would have suddenly become possessed with some evil malevolent and that would have been that.  He would have to go, just like everyone else in her life.
"So is that the new reason and your new story for all this destruction you have caused?"   I had answered her.
"Yes."  She snapped at me.   "All those takers you wanted around you.  You prefer them to me?  Well you keep them all and Ill keep my Buddha."  And that obviously was the end of that talk.

  I admit that sometimes by generosity with my time, though never my money, has been misguided and maybe I have tried to help people too much sometimes.  But throughout my life I have derived great joy and satisfaction from what little time in a very busy schedule that I devoted to this extremely important cause.  Maybe, though not all, the people I have helped in life I would help again and possibly much more effectively now, with an acquired greater wisdom.  I helped Eliza for years with nothing back but degrading insults, so maybe my work should have involved helping others as I am good at it.
Over the years though, nobody ever took food from her mouth which I always provided, though of course without the credit which always went to the Buddha.  Nor did anyone I knew, despite Eliza's illusions, try to steal me or any of her other possessions away or conjure up ways to dispense of her so they could have it all.
So friends have been very much a no no since being with Eliza.  What's the point, it would only create more arguments with her, as it has with every single person who has crossed our threshold, whether hers or mine. Sooner or later they would become evil or somehow disrespectful to her life or some other fantasy about them would appear.
   Maybe I shall start making friends after she's gone, though after all these years I've kind of got used to not needing them.  The only friends I have here are her daughters family and they are true friends.   No illusions or fantasy's, just a very good family very much love and respect, but most important, always truly grateful even it is only a little thing.
They are both very sincere Muslims and pray many times daily.  But they do not make their God there God.  In other words they do not use their God to demeanour or belittle each other by constant comparison of inability to be as perfect.  No, they support each other in achievable aims.  While he is slaving away trying to create a better quality of life for his family, she is bringing up their lovely children and supporting him in every way.  Even though his hours are long and take him away from her, they have a common achievable goal and even though not liked, they both accept this is the way it must be for now.  Its the way it is for most young couples, unless they are born with a golden spoon that is.  It is life and reality.  They are not soul mates or brought together by some mystic intervention, they are a normal family very much in love.  All their ambitions and goals are achievable and their are no demons poking around every door.  That's how it should be in reality.

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