GET GONE
The Beginning of an End to a Beginning
by Eduardo

   Tues 1st May 13:25

  Glorious, that's the weather. Shame life isn't like that at this particular time. The morning was reasonably uneventful, Eliza had gone out somewhere so I made tea and sat in the Garden, enjoying the peace and twittering of birds. But, nothing is ever peaceful for long around here of late and come to think of it, over the past years uncertainty was always top dog anyway. Eliza is so changeable all the time. Never satisfied for long and thirsting for more constantly. So there I am thinking after yesterday its all solved until Eliza arrives back all excited.
"I've found somewhere."   She announced with satisfaction.
"So its not at Suzie's anymore?"
"No. Its just down the road in Kew village. Its in a beautiful house and its the top floor apartment."
"And have you got it?" I dared to ask, knowing full well the answer would be a definite yes, whether or not she had even asked about it. That's always been the reason for so many disappointments to her. She she's, she want's and by rights it is hers. It goes without saying that a lot of cannot's follow, with ultimate consequences.
"Yes. Its eleven hundred a month and they want some deposit today. I've got all the forms, come see."
Off to the kitchen table we go, me confused as usual between plan A, plan B, plan C or, What plan is this one?
So I filled in my side of the forms as guarantor for her and arranged with a colleague for a good letter of reference which he emailed me immediately and off to the agents we went.
Via of course the plan B estate agent first, to collect some deposit back given yesterday for the cottage. Of course I had given cash for the deposit and she got back a cheque payable to her, which quickly went into the handbag. Nice one.

  I suggested on the way to the agent in Kew that we must eat something. Eliza's been out to lunch a few times over the last week, but I haven't had a proper cooked meal for over a week now, just snacks and a boiled egg now and again. Although no appetite as such, the stomach was complaining bitterly about the situation. So we stopped off in Twickenham and went into the same little place where Liam locked himself in. Eliza had chili con carne and I had a bowl of soup and an Italian bread loaf.

  As we arrived back at the car I noticed that the parking permit was upside down hiding the details. I've had two forty pound fines in the past for this exact same offence and am very keen on it now. Getting into the car I retrieved the permit jammed into the rubber of the front screen to turn it around, still mystified how it got like that.
"That was lucky."  I said to her. "If the warden had seen it, another parking fine."
It was only then that I noticed the permit rear was ripped up and destroyed. We have two photo ID permits one for each vehicle. One has Eliza's photo, the other mine. It just so happened her photo was on the back of the permit left in the rover.
"What happened."  I said, staring at her in puzzlement.
"Oh I took it out. Its MY picture and I wanted it!"  She just snapped back.
Well, I lost it again with her. There was absolutely no reason whatsoever to destroy the permit to retrieve a tiny little faded photo embedded out of sight into the back. And, maybe another fine because she just couldn't be bothered in her fanatical rush to go nowhere.
"What the hell for?"  I raged back. "What possible reason could you have except being vengeful as usual?"
She started shouting back in that spoilt child manner.
"Its my picture! I am entitled to all my pictures! It was no use to you anyway, cause you will be selling the rover!"
"That simply is not the bloody point!" I bellowed back, really feeling the blood pulse. "Its like everything else. Its not what you do, its the way you do it!"   Now I don't lose it often, but when my voice reaches a certain booming base pitch, any sane person keeps quite. Even Eliza has started bowing down recently to the force I must be exuding in my voice when this rage wells inside.
"Eliza wants and Eliza must have. Immediately and without a f***ing single care for others or consequences!"
Swearing is rare except when I am enraged and boy, was the blood getting hot.
"What about."  I continued unabated. "If I had got a fine because you just didn't care enough or were blinded as usual by this stupid karma thing that's torn us apart!"
The reply was as always an immediate shift of blame.
"Its not me that's separated us in all your bloody waster friends that you brought into our lives!"
Oh here we go again I thought and seethed inside. The same old scratched record.
My friends! I've only ever been allowed two in the entire sixteen years, both of which were no good wasters according to her. There was the odd one or two more that got close, but our lifestyle, dictated by E, was just too much for their brain. I would meet them maybe once or twice and that was it, they showed no enthusiasm for return visits.

  Before I met Eliza, I used to be invited to some really posh villas for meals. The fact that I was about the only electronics genius in the whole country had a lot to with it. My services were kind of competed against by private clients, which ever offered the best deal or meal, got my company and some friendly technical help for the day. Tell you times were good, I was the most valuable commodity and treated with great respect and financial reward. I tried taking Eliza with me a few times, but unless they were into something really exciting or spiritual, she found the small talk so boring. Then, if she did start into deep conversation with them, wow. There minds were blown and so were we!

  Suddenly this massive surge of hurt and an anguish towards her burst out as we waited for the roundabout lights.
"When we get home!"  I directed at her with intense strength of conviction. "If there are any pictures of you left anywhere in any drawer. Take them! Take them all! If your bloody photos are so important that as usual, you don't care what you destroy. Then take every single f****ing one! I don't want any picture of you anywhere in that house! Is that understood!?"
"Yes. I'm sorry." she nodded back and obviously thought it wise to keep quite, at least until the next set of lights.
"I want to leave the ones in Liam's bedroom." She rather more quietly said.
"Every damn one!" I shouted back. "If he wants one, you give it to him later then its his choice." I continued.
"If like everything else you want so badly, your photos are worth destruction, then keep your bloody photos. Not one in my house. Ever again!"
"I don't destroy things!" she answered back with a returning strength.
"Don't destroy!? You what!? What's this!?"  As I waived the ripped permit around. "Do really want to know something of monumental importance?" I asked and continued without waiting for reply. "This permit is just like us. One minute all together and secure until Eliza wants. Then its rip it all apart for a fad, some fantasy notion or karma. You ripped up the permit to get what you wanted, just like you ripped us up and destroyed everything you had made me believe in."

  My rages are fortunately well controlled, so by the time we arrived at the other agent I put the business face on as I handed over more cash for another deposit, which I hope this time is the last one.
She wanted me to go with her to view the place. I could not believe she had just rented a flat she had not even seen yet! I declined her request with.
"Its your place and your karma. I have no wish to enter your new environment or have any attachment to it that you may later blame me for." Its true, if I said anything about it, sooner or later it would be 'used in the court of Eliza against me'. I've learnt, just a shame it took so long.

   I waited in the car with a Starbucks coffee until she arrived ten minutes later.
"Yes." As she got into the car. "I like it. It will do nicely."
There followed a detailed description. Its a small two bed top floor, with views straight over Kew Gardens right opposite. So location wise, its very good. I do know the area and its not exactly the upmarket she wanted and rather noisy from the busy Kew Bridge main road passing by. Still, she seems happy with it so that's important and at eleven hundred a month its the same cost as the cottage she blew.
Guess the idea of her going to stay with Susie would have been a lot cheaper though, as this lots going to cost me minimum six grand over the next few weeks. And on top of Eliza's costs last month, which were even more than that, this is cleaning me out totally. The entire three years of building financial security has been wiped out by her breaking free. Yes she is entitled to some support from me, even though she chose the separation path, that's the law. But this? She asks too much of me as usual. My colleague reminds me that freedom has a price and he is correct, it does. So at the end of the day does the materialism of it all really matter, when one is battling for existence? No. The right to existence and freedom has no limit to its price and I shall gladly part with the last penny, if it meant that this trauma would cease forever tomorrow.

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