GET GONE
The Beginning of an End to a Beginning
by Eduardo

  
   Friday 8:15
   After sleeping like a baby last night for the whole twelve hours, the house phone awoke me half hour ago.  It was obviously one of Eliza's friends, as nobody I know has the ex-directory number or would want to speak to me at that time of day.  I just laid there kind of half awake, yet not wanting to let Eliza know I was.  The less she talks to me, the better.  I no longer wish to hear about her fantasy's and all the bad people, including me who stopped them happening.
So I just laid quietly for five minutes until she got up and went down stairs.  I heard her put the kettle on and then on the phone to one of her two buddies, Susie.  Now, Susie being excited with all the attention, will be in for a very big shock soon. Because she also shares this karma with her of riches beyond imagination and the need for a very rich man to satisfy it all.  They are not good for each other but they share the same non loving emotional realms.  It is an empty existence for both of them and will continue no doubt.

I heard enough words filtering upstairs to know the conversation was about my luncheon yesterday.  Eliza was going on about this black woman and how its unfair I stayed out so long for lunch.  Just like everything was normal and I have no rights to be doing anything at all.  I laid there thinking that I haven't had any rights for a very long time, as virtually everything I have done over the years was according to the Gospel of St Eliza.
Then she starts getting all upset on the phone that this lady had phoned me during the week.  What path Eliza is on or where it will take her, I don't know.  Not where she wants to go I think though, unless she untangles the mess of distorted memories that consumes her.

  Not really wanting to hear the same old crap, I started getting up and deliberately creaked some floor boards so she knew, which sent her and the phone conversation out into the privacy of the garden.  By the time I came downstairs she was sat again in the kitchen and still rabbiting on to her buddy.  Totally ignoring her presence I passed into the bathroom, took a quick wash and disappeared to the lodge, leaving her to fantasise on the phone for the next hour or so.  Apart from which the house with all its bareness and boxes everywhere is no longer a home to me and I cannot feel comfortable in it again until Eliza, her vibe and all the boxes are gone.  Then its windows all open and I shall start top to bottom and clean it throughout.  Every corner, every cupboard and all the drawers.  Anything remaining she missed will be in the black rubbish bag.  I want this soul destroying karma of hers purged from here, not one remaining personal item to remind me of the illusions and delusions that brought so much pain and destroyed a wonderful reality.

  The past two days has seen a little calming in her constant illusion trip as obviously reality is starting to bite and she is feeling it.   Good!  I hope it brings her some of the heart wrenching grief she has caused with her karmic delusions and fantasy's  Yesterday she actually showed a little concern about this super job that is supposed to be waiting just for her.
"I am feeling a little unsure about this sales job." she said yesterday. After a little discussion about the reality of cutting it in sales. 
I am not trying to destroy her fantasy's, but some reality has to be understood by her, if she is to survive in any human fashion.
"Oh, don't worry."  I had replied.   "If anyone can do it you can."   Leaving it at that.
I think maybe the dreams of the big money job, exotic travel and Mr Rich are under attack from the unstoppable force of reality that is fast approaching.   But as she has fully understood, there will be no U turns, never.   I have given every opportunity and spoken for weeks with her to avert this crazy situation, but all to no avail.  So she has well and truly made her bed and I do hope she enjoys sleeping on it for the rest of this life. Even though part of me deep inside would happily revert to the old ways, my common sense and need for survival now swamps everything, as it should.  They say a good soldier never looks behind, well this one has eyes firmly forwards on a very realistic and achievable future.

  Any future with my lady friend?  I don't really know.  She is truly a very good woman and we have a very strong common interest in disability issues.  She with her charity and me with the disabilityuk.com website I set up many years ago.
Her ideals are quite high and her ambition is very driving, in fact all the things I used to so much admire in people.
These days though I am a little unsure of anyone reaching for anything.   Maybe that will pass and my old self will emerge again, I just don't know yet.  Neither can I make out yet what she really wants.   I know where she is coming from and where she is at present, but where she wants to go?  That's still uncertain, but it is the important question to me at the present and with anyone I meet in the future.
Personally, I feel that we could share some very good moments together and enjoy each other physically and spiritually.  Though as always, its where that could lead to.  Both her and I are extremely busy for the next week or so and doubt we will have opportunity to get together again for a while, even for lunch.
I did ask her whether she would be interested in continuing our relationship in the future as companions.  But her interpretation that a 'companion' is more like a carer and therefore, not exactly conducive to the idea.   Certainly not my idea of being a companion either.  So I just looked at her and asked.
"What word would describe it then?"
"Oh, you find the right word and I will give you my answer."  She smiled back.
Now I am left to ponder on the right word so I can find my answer.  Its not lovers or friends.  Its not companions or husband.  Oh I don't know and am I bothered right now, that's the question.
I think I tried to place the ball back in her court with.
"Okay, you come up with a word for it then."
But the same answer came back.  So its there but I cant find it.   Sort of like looking for a tiny black cat in a very large, blacked out and unfamiliar room.  Compounded further by the fact that right now, I don't have the spiritual strength to go searching for the cat, if indeed its there in the first place.
I think what I need for the first time ever in my life, is someone else to take the lead for a little while as I feel very empty and lost with it all.
There has never been a time, that I have been so low and without the internal fountain of strength or courage that has always been there since I can remember.  So I shall just concentrate on what must be done and leave the rest in the lap of the Gods.

  I've had a few emails recently that call me a fool, while others praise my endurance and even a couple of offers! One in particular was from a buddhist and ex-friend of Eliza's and gave me cause to sit and reflect about this religion trip she is so consumed by.  While Eliza's strength of belief in her religion are to be admired, somewhere along the way her priorities are totally screwed up.  My understanding of what life should be are as a sincere Buddhist and ex-friend and of hers said.
"First comes our parents for giving us life, second our provider of a roof over our head.  Third to all living beings and finally, to the Buddha and priests.  To state the Buddha is her husband is as crazy as some Christians who claim to be married to Jesus!"
You note the term 'ex-friend'.  Well this ex friend of hers was also drawn into Eliza's web of illusion for about nine years and just like the soul mate thing to me, Eliza sold this friend on things like how they were 'spiritual sisters', and would never fall out and the like.   So I guess her ex friend felt somewhat gutted when she discovered last year that this spiritual sisters crap Eliza kept feeding her was just another of her many illusions. Guess its the same trip with all her ex-friends and family, she builds them up, then when she feels there is nothing more to be gained, they are dumped.  Not nicely, but with veracity, anger and vengeance.
I'm sure that there is a Muslim guy out there somewhere with testicles full of diamonds and a solid gold dick.  Just waiting for Eliza to show up and sell him on some spiritual mates crap.  My advice to him would be get a parachute as its a long way down back to reality from one of Eliza's illusions.  At least I wont be the fool paying her bills as in the past.

  Talking of the fool and paying bills, Eliza has just come into the lodge, she's off out and wants some more spending money.
"You much you want?"  I asked feeling very distant and cold towards her.
"As much as you can."
She should have answered 'all you got', as that's the true way of Eliza.
"How much!"   I asked again a little impatient with her.
"Oh twenty or thirty."   Came the calm answer.
I literally chucked the cash onto the desk, which she took and disappeared.   Hopefully until much later when Liam comes home.
I sincerely wish this to be the last weekend we shall be together. Hopefully by Tuesday next week they will have cleaned the flat ready for occupancy.   Where the hell she is going to put all the stuff she has in boxes I really don't know.  Quite frankly I would view this new flat as a dump, especially as she has described it internally. One main bedroom and a tiny one which is not even wide enough for anything except storage. A lounge and a tiny kitchen and bathroom.  Most of the places around that locality are rented to groups of sharing students, as this one has been before.  So it goes without saying the well worn and un-cared for condition of the place inside. As for the rent, they certainly saw her coming as usual. I am still receiving feedback from the enquiries I made for her and even this morning a couple of really beautiful up market and much bigger apartments were offered. Both were considerably cheaper and in a very quite middle to upper class area with all amenities. Completely furnished with new kitchens to a very high standard, they make this place she found look like a right tip!
But that has always been the way since I met her. The times where if I had not been there to save the day, she would have been ripped off left right and centre.  Or even worse, got herself and us into some ghastly situation. She is so gullible to sweet talk from others and naively believes it all.
Well, there's no more protection from me, just her lord and master the Buddha to shield her now.  I pray he will, but reality says different.

  In her haste to pack everything, she has totally forgotten the practicality of where everything will fit in her new place.  No room for the huge butsudan I imported for her, or the big far eastern furniture that goes with it.  No separate place for an office either, except the tiny room which will be full of unpacked boxes.  Just the huge sideboard in my front room alone yielded six large boxes of crockery, gold dinner sets and stuff.  Where the hell she is going to put it all in this tiny place, heaven knows.  Then there are the two computers and another seven or eight big boxes from her garden office here.  I doubt even if the very large unit she presently uses to stand the bhutsudan on, will go up the stairs in the new place.  Not without breaking it in two anyway, plus its so big and heavy, it will need at least three or four very strong men to carry it.  If it was not for the through lift I put in, it wouldn't have even gone up these stairs.  Like all the things I bought her, this long unit is truly beautiful and cost a fortune, I never even questioned expenses for the prayer room though, as to do so would have been unforgivable to Eliza.   So looks like she is going to be living with lots of half unpacked boxes for quite a while.

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