GET GONE
The Beginning of an End to a Beginning
by Eduardo

  DAY THREE
   I awoke this morning with endeavours to find a way forwards through this world of fantasy and had hopes of re-building that which Eliza has destroyed within me.
But my ears attuned to a phone conversation where all the fantasy trip is being re-explained in vibrant details with additions to a friend on the phone. My heart sank. I came to realise that the hours, days and months we have spent talking in the past was just like now. Eliza did not hear a single word. When her mind is besotted by fantasy and illusion, the picture becomes set in stone upon her mind and no-one, I mean no-one dare challenge that's pictures truth.
Still the illusions persist I thought. Not only that, but being embellished!

  Then the one thing I would never have in a nightmare considered possible happened.
Eliza started chanting. As it proceeded I listened in stunned shock. She started conjuring up curses and asking the Buddha to implement them. I mean real juju stuff. Last night I saw the face of a witch, this morning I realise she has become part of what she has seen for years in others.
To send curses of destruction upon someone is bad enough and one questions the persons humanity or saneness. But to pray the most powerful prayer and send forth evil? To use Buddhism as a medium for evil curses?
And to hear her plead with the Buddha to satisfy her list of evil curses, like some demented being.
I fear it may be aeons before her forgiveness for such actions will be granted.

  As I have considered earlier, I fear she is lost totally. Eliza's wrath is mighty, her vengeance is crushing and in her world of fantasy anyone or anybody is fair game.
Well that is one game I cannot play.
I am living in a relationship surrounded by, according to Eliza, a whole string of evil doers, psychic attackers and witches, stretching from family across friends to employees.
Now I have to live with evil curses that summon devils. What next? Do I become a devil at any moment? What will she do to me?
Eliza has become the reality of her imagination and trying to exist in the real world. But all her thoughts and actions are from fantasy memories and present illusions.
No really sane person with any belief in whatever religion unless evil, would use it in such a demanding way to exercise evil over another. The Eliza I knew may have considered such things in moments of great vengeance but never actually practise it. The Eliza today has become what she has invariably seen in others and will accept no boundaries of limitation. That is dangerous to anyone to close, for she is now surrounded by devils which are no longer a figment of imagination. She chanted for them this morning, I left her chanting for them when I drove out this morning and for all I know, she's probably sending out more curses right now. Maybe even to me or you. Who knows anymore.

  The fact is, no matter what name Eliza may choose to mask it with. It is commonly known as witchcraft and black magic by most people.

  I don't know what will become of her. Painful as may be, these Siamese soul mates must un-join. One wants to live amongst fantasy and devils, one must have reality. If we stay joined it will be like a giant galaxy being gradually ripped apart. Its that simple, but the resolution is so hard.

  I shall move into the garden flat, I cannot leave her totally alone but I cannot be close to her anymore.

  Maybe she repents, I just hope the Buddha has a lot more compassion and less zero tolerance than her and will forgive her transgression into evilness.
But if years of talking has not even dented the surface, repentance will be a miracle.

  Its two in the afternoon and I am still typing between tears from the empty sadness tomorrow may bring.

  Tears. It has reminded me of something strange. About a year ago and for no apparent reason, I noticed a slight emotional change in myself. I was often near tears, for absolutely no apparent reason. Any movie with sad or happy emotions started bringing tears. I would be sitting having a coffee and out of the blue a feeling to cry.
I now look back and two things are clarified.
My present emotional state feels like a natural extension to those feelings that started over a year ago.
I was starting to sense an imminent sadness all that time ago? It was round about the same time as Eliza started to gather more power like a rumbling volcano building pressure, which was all put down to hormones. And that period itself is a natural extension of the period before, when Eliza still did the same things but within acceptable boundaries.
So, its been a long time coming and has a very colourful pre-history.

  Where now?
Providing Eliza does not put too much pressure upon me, I will cope. At least I shall have time to rebuild my destroyed esteem and escape the bowels of depression. Though I fear her insistent pressure will eventually drive me far from here. I do hope not. For I love her dearly. If I do have to eventually go, it will be for self preservation and then only at the last possible moment. And I know it must be very far away, anything close would wrench at me too much. Knowing my heart and soul were only a drive away.
Oh so sad. There must be easier options even in hell.

  To love someone so much you must leave them to preserve that love. To rip oneself apart, to inflict so much heartache and pain upon oneself. All to protect a precious jewel that is rarely found.
But I cant live with illusion and devils. So I must live in empty sadness in some far away place.
   And what of Liam? He has lost the respect of Mum. He may have special needs and, fortunately does not fully understand the fullness of everything. But has not missed the change in mum over the past couple of years. He now tends to dismiss a lot of her words when the going gets heavy. How do I hold all this together for him? I cannot allow Eliza's illusions to rip his world apart. I could not defend the others but I must defend Liam.
If he knew Mum was praying for evil things it would destroy him.

I don't know, day three and still thrashing around in a pit looking for any piece of straw that can help. Meanwhile watching Eliza slip further into her fantasy worlds and us further apart as reality demands change.

  I am no psychiatrist, but I have always known that something very deep troubled Eliza. Over the years, I have been able to dismiss them one by one as Eliza's various illusions about them materialised.
(I say illusions as the whole, as it would appear that she stores the real picture along with a fantasy version which if considered bad enough, can be a whole fiction. This is then 'set in stone' and used when referred to which is normally quite often.)
There have been many over the years but this one, is in a no go area and I have never even got close it.
I also know how much it influenced and consumed her life over many years in so many negative and painful ways.
I do not know how much reality or fantasy is combined in this deep trauma. But I certainly believe there was a basis of much reality.
Whether its that her mum tried to kill her before she was born or being her unwanted child or both. But I do know it was the first traumatic affecting event and possibly every illusion, ghost and devil has been derived from it and placed into others so they may suffer the vengeance that is so deeply felt towards the root.
It seems a very logical conclusion. But how many people that similar events happen to react like this and over such a sustained period?

  Even if it is the root and it could be rectified, I fear it is too late. Eliza's more recent actions will have serious repercussions for much time to come. This is the start, not finish of something. She has let lose demons in the worst of ways, that cannot be summoned back as quick and sometimes not at all. They will enjoy longevity and often, are sent back to do the same harm to the sender. What then. Aeons of spiritual feuds?

  For me? I must stop writing this, rebuild lost energy and will and get more work and money. I may need to keep two homes in the future if Eliza does not retreat from her present course.

  We have spoken only a cursory few words today. She is lost in the enormity of the illusional path and I feel too sad to speak. But speak we must and soon as tonight we start life apart, though not far as yet.

  I shall avoid most contact by working nights and waking late. What else is there to do? I cannot share a bed of curses, devils or whatever, anymore than feeling secure sitting amongst them. What if they touch me? No. I am not getting involved with this one, I know devil lands quite well and Eliza knows I know. That's bad enough on its own but, when someone actually starts seeing them, feeling them and issuing curses.... I say no more.

  A realisation. There are devils and witches, they are from within and Eliza is seeing them in other people. A good way to expel devils maybe, but what about the other person who then takes on the false disguise of that devil and must be punished accordingly to the crime they are perceived of being guilty of? Whew, heavy. 
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