GET GONE
The Beginning of an End to a Beginning
by Eduardo

 Sun  10:20

  Yes another glorious sun shine day and peaceful.  Eliza went off early to the meeting in London by train for a change, while the trusty chauffeur slept in for once.

  Been thinking about the absurdity of it all and those little thoughts keep popping up like, why not just do as usual?  Swallow, forget and turn on the charm, splash some money I don't have around and melt away all the problems. Such an easy way out I've taken before, we could all be in relative peace for a week or two.  Until the scathing sarcastic remarks start again that will grow in tandem with her wealth desire until we are right back here again.  Its the recurring track on this record that at last I must delete as I don't think I have enough to tolerate a few minutes of it let alone more years.

  Then I thought, well why not take her out and splash a £100 on some swank dinner, have not done it for a while.  But I seem to remember that was the whole idea of having the luxury of a live in maid and fresh flowers on the dining room table.  We would have all this free time, Liam was cared for and the home was all under control, with extra money in the bank to spend on enjoyment.  We planed things like going away on mini city breaks to Europe, eating out more often and a whole barrel load more.  That dream was short lived as the Maid is packed off home leaving my finances empty and even bigger expenses on some new male cleaner (if she ever finds one) who will work for a tenth of the time for twice the money.  No more couple of days away on traveling on leisure, someone has to be here three days a week to let him in and monitor. That her ladyship has not yet realised and it will displease her most when the reality dawns.  Oh dear there it goes again, same record track.

  As for food, yes splashing out on a good meal is something we have always done a lot of at the times Eliza felt up to it or could be bothered, though have not done recently.  There has been no time with holidays in Romania, journeys to Japan, maids to train and then dispatch and an endless stream of arguments over the past three months. As for food though we eat very well in quality.  Its no ordinary chicken in our massive oven.  No its an organic free range one that costs four times that of the others and the same meticulous quality standards are applied to everything bought.  We are fortunate in this area being surrounded by about every cuisine imaginable of the highest quality.  We have a special drawer full of home delivery menus from exclusive three course tongue watering selections of Persia to Indian specialties and all between.  They are not cheap costing anywhere from £30 £40 for a home delivery, but the taste?  Delicious.  On average we would have this twice a week, cook at the weekend and eat out at normal restaurants for the other days. With the odd special dinner out with the family which is around fifty each. Eating quality does not come cheap, so adding another 100 a week to the already stretched budget is not really an option.  You see the other problem I have is as you can imagine there is zero tolerance in this house towards any form of sacrifice.  Well, why should she?  Eliza sacrifice today for tomorrow, not likely.

  So no matter what thoughts creep through my mind on this glorious sun filled day while I type listening to Westlife, The fact is I cannot afford to finance her strengthened direction.  £100 here and there for candle dinners, the clothes shopping, days away each week, the monthly hairdo's, the home deliveries and of course, the inevitable expensive item that must be owned.  Not to forget the planed three week Christmas holiday in Mauritius that must yet be booked or holy hell will prevail.  I have always gladly given what there is to give and would gladly try to give a little more, if only it was appreciated and there were limitations.  What's the old saying?  'Give an inch take a foot'  Well this is give an inch take a mile and then endless complaints leaving one feeling "What the hell did I give an inch for in the first place?".  I've never hidden my finances from her but from now on, they are my affair.  Nothing is going to change on the outside, but quite revolution is happening on the inside.

  My future is where appreciation is shown as a normality and expectations are as equally normal.   Where I can be content with my surroundings in the knowledge that others are content with it.  Love sadly will be missing from any future relationship but just being an appreciated provider and Man, will more than make up for it. At this moment, wallowing in the arms of gratitude and realms of possibility is worth a thousand times more than love or sex. And that is the biggest priority in the rest of my life.  And that is why I must obtain the financial independence to break free from the illusion that I am in.  The illusion that I could ever tame the extreme fantasy's or avoid being drawn into them.  The illusion that common sense and normality could be attained.  The illusion that love or even soul mates could compete against the unstoppable 'karma' of one.

  The reality of life apart has always been hard to face.  Eliza would come out of it the best I suppose. This home and just a simple trade of Mr Love for Mr Rich.  Like me I know her love will be empty and will not find satisfactory replacement.  But Mr Rich man will make her rich 'karma' happy, so he will be her Mr Funny man and his powerful generosity will definitely make him look like her Mr Strong man. So she still has her present three in one though of better quality in her eyes.  If you cant find a rich man in Richmond where can you find one.  Well she did say in Morocco that Richmond was her new calling. Its here our marriage started and new beginnings were sought and its here it will end, so fresh beginnings can start again. Thinking back, the whole past 16 years has all been Eliza's trip.  Except for an admitted failure for six months of mine when we first returned to UK, when a little business project failed to materialise.  I've always accepted culpability for this mistake though that has never prevented it being used in sarcastic scathing's dozens of times, if not hundreds.

  Portugal was her dream not mine. I was content earning more than most a week in just two days and lazing in the sun, clubs and restaurants for the rest of the week.  Every day to different places, eating with new acquaintances and enjoying the perfection of it all. But no, big business and billionaire dreams beckoned.  Morocco, her trip.  Uk, her trip. We have jointly chosen each house except this one, which was her trip as I was somewhat daunted by the massive work required in restoration and obviously somewhat reticent.

  So I think its get on my trip again, as I seem to remember they had some great fun times. And, my needs are more in reality and easily obtainable.  Yes I will seek to improve myself and status in life as I always have, but nothing will ever become a destructive obsession in my life, thank heavens. A secluded property in Kent, immersed into some serious work without all these external negative influences and possibly the arms of true appreciation. That's all.  Nice and simple.  Any offers? You must already be rich enough to satisfy all your desires. Enjoy intellectual companionship.  Appreciate a gentleman.  Respect genuine love and be an very active lover.

13:58
  Just spent time with Liam on the project of painting wood preservative oil onto one of the lodges outside.  Enjoyed it, but there's still a door to go.  Its a beautiful garden to work in and gets the best of the sun all day.  Found it very therapeutic and absorbing.  Suppose the peace will be broken soon when Eliza returns.  I have this kind of bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is coming my way and the only one in my life with bad thoughts is Eliza.  So I await and see as I have many times before.  Lets hope this one is a false warning eh?

  As I painted away I remembered how when we met in Portugal I went down to this villa her mum rented to tourists and helped her paint all the iron work, though with little interest in the property being painted. Now sixteen years later I paint around dozens of glass panels and windows with the same lack of interest.  Its all to be done over again sometime in the near future somewhere else.

  I asked myself in all earnestly if there was any reason whatsoever to have faith that Eliza will change direction.  Even though I have her adamant words, statements and actions to say that she will not. I ask myself this many times a day and always with the same obvious answer.  As each day she demonstrates in so many ways that she has no intention whatsoever of diverting from her karmic path.  At least I have examined all possible alternatives to separation even though each is blocked by the illusions and fantasy's against which there is no tangible reasoning or argument.

  During the night I calculated that to support the future would require triple present income  For a brief moment I contemplated on how much satisfaction time that would buy Eliza's wealth karma. Thinking it two years at tops, I rapidly dismissed that as a very bad investment. Internet marketing can be exceedingly profitable so I must find the entry door to our niche markets and turn this financial situation around, pronto.

19:36
  Well, Eliza is back and looking a little happier as the meeting all went well and she didn't get lost on the underground.  We sat and idly chatted in the late day sun until went for another cupa and got ready to turn on the automatic irrigation system I built to keep all the gardens green.  It was the first time since last summer so was expecting the worst, considering about half a mile of tubing and hundreds of joints and outlets.  Its a real spaghetti junction underneath all that foliage.  Apart from a couple of joints, its all working fine.  At least that's another job I did right three years ago.

  The one thing that's really bothering me is Eliza's sudden desire for a new laptop computer a few days ago.  It's been brought up a few times and I can tell she is very desperate for this piece of  her new image.  She even asked if we sold a couple of the computers around here, would that be enough towards her new laptop?  I know that she is hanging everything out for her birthday on the 24th.  Though I know she is very impatient to acquire it right now, she is convinced I am sure that her lovely hubby will present her with this desire on that day.  I don't really want to repeat to her again that "Mr Rich would I am sure, buy her the latest Sony ladies for a couple of grand".  Any old laptop will not do and it will be costly.  So there is the predicament.  If I do not buy it for her birthday the consequences would be earth shattering.  If I do, I am an even bigger mug.  I very much doubt she is going to find Mr Rich Dick between now and then so its Mr Poor Dick that will pay as usual.  Just to keep the peace a little longer.  Though of course, despite her pleasure at the new toy, it will probably be a little too heavy, big or battery not last long enough or something.  Either way its not going to be that lovely slim lightweight Sony that works forever at around 1700.  More likely that slightly bulkier one at 700.  The last one I bought her a few years ago was 900.

  Why the sudden desire for a laptop I don't really know. I think the latest fad is to write in the woods.   What I do know is that I built her this lovely garden room and fitted it all out complete with a new computer and workstation, that she never uses any more.  Another very expensive fad lost interest in.  So now we have an unused garden studio and an unused garden office. We could make 800 a month from renting the studio, but someone else walking in and out of the property, no way.  Anyway it was built and always intended for a maid eventually. So that was another 10k wasted.  Suppose a new laptop seems chicken feed after that. The thing about this damn laptop though is not the expense or sudden desire, its what its for and who should really be buying it.  And all I'm doing by buying it staving off the entry of Mr Rich for a few weeks, who should be the one buying her all these new things in the first place.

   Well that's it for now, its time to see how the land lays indoors now that Eliza has once more worn out Sinatra's My Way at full volume for the last half hour wandering around the garden with the hose.

21:56
  We've all eaten, Eliza's in bed and Liam is next door in what used to be Evelyn's place as its still got a computer in there and he's making too much noise indoors for her to sleep. So he is playing runescape until bed soon.  I'm still really bothered about this laptop.  I'm thinking, Hey, I've needed a new laptop for over a year.  Its been running on borrowed time since I last rescued it from fatality for the second time. Even Eliza has said its time to get a new one a few times.  So I'm the bread winner who needs the equipment to make the money, but she gets a new laptop on demand just because its her latest wish. I must be crazy.

  I remember the time she saw this new bike in a London shop about six years ago.  It was those new pop pop's that were a cross between a moped and a flying seat on wheels with a 50cc engine to propel one along.   She had to have it.  This was the answer to all her mobility dreams.  No driving licence necessary and she could poodle of to visit people.  I rather doubted all that, but it looked as though it could be fun on open ground.  700 I think that little spur of the moment gift cost.  It never made those imagined journeys.  Eliza used it for a few minutes in the park once and that's it.  Here it sits in the corner of the lodge all polished and shiny as the day it was new with about five miles on the clock!  Another short lived illusion. She seriously wanted me to buy her a C5 once.  You remember them funny little battery things that Clive Sinclair invented that never took off somehow.  Thankfully I managed to dodge that one with the too scarce excuse. Oh, there's been a lot of near misses believe me.  Trouble is all of those maturing have only been substitutes for what she really wants and therefore there worth is quickly discarded.

   Can't be that many financially established women out there reading this as one has not yet emailed me. Not that I really want one right now even if her driveway was knee deep in diamonds.  What I need right now is more visitors to my sites and therefore more income flowing in.  Many are starting to read this true story and clicks are mounting but I need thousands more per hour. Then my dreams can become the reality that I have been working at for so long.  A secluded house in the country or on the side  of a small hill overlooking a sun drenched beach. An office set aside from where the new hub of it all will operate from.  From there, I can be anywhere in the world providing there is high speed internet and be in full control the hub and my finances. The prototype to produce that has already been tested and fine tuned, it is nearly ready to launch.  As they say, find a formulae that works every time, then just keep duplicating the formulae. What impact Get Gone will have on all of that I don't know.  Financially favourable I hope.

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