GET GONE
The Beginning of an End to a Beginning
by Eduardo

  15:51

   Eliza came in earlier to remind me of the curtains to pick up and to buy some soup she needs from the Japanese shop.  It was a very quite drive as I reflected rather bitterly at paying the remaining 350 for them.  That's over 700 that's just going to sit there and do nothing.  They are valance units so need an expert to fit them, not just some handyman. I wont be doing it, I feel sick enough about paying for them let alone fit them in a house I'm leaving, for a woman who doesn't even truly appreciate me buying them in the first place.  I gotta get out of this house and its environment quick.

  When we arrived back and sat outside drinking a coffee, she started getting heavy and going on about all being my fault and making her suffer for all these years.  How she was going to live alone with her spiritual powers and didn't want to be involved with anyone else's karma ever again.  How I was heading for the gutter again and how she had taught me so much about the spiritual side.  I did remind her that from I stand, her spiritual powers were very destructive.
"No they are not" She quipped.  "They are positive"
"Well they certainly destroyed us." I gave back in statement and the subject was rapidly changed.   I can see she is going to get messy with all this nearer the time and start the usual demanding trip and if not satisfied, I will become the newest demon in her mind and rapidly crossed off the christmas card list.  Earlier she came up with another startling revelation from psychic powers.  The former maid apparently did black magic not only to get rid of Eliza, but to make me fall in love only with black women from now on. Maybe it was not sixteen years of being an imperfect slave that striped me of dignity, maybe it was the maid!! She conjured up some Ju Ju and extracted all my spirit into a little brown pouch and buried it somewhere in the garden. Sounds about as realistic as most of the distorted realism in E's life.

  It's not worth taking much notice of her constantly evolving views upon anything.  Most are based upon or indirectly rely upon some yet to be major event happening.  Like the film, Mr Rich, etc, etc. Like I repeated to her again this afternoon in the garden.  "I hope there is someone around who genuinely cares enough for you to help if it doesn't work out.  Because I wont be here.  Your unquenchable thirst for rich things will have separated us long before then."
  She started to revert to the old tracks again of her past sufferings. She was just passing through Portugal and I came into her life and she got pregnant and...... 
I just stopped her and said.  "Enough about the so bad past.  We should be talking about what we are doing today and tomorrow.  As for blame?  All our tribulations were normal but, playing an inferior second best to your desired man due to your wealth karma, is what created this separation."
I reminded her of previous words of wisdom, that having dreams, fantasy's or illusions is a great thing.  But if you force a fantasy to become a reality then it must destroy that which presently exists.  They cannot live side by side, reality must be extinct to give life to the fantasy. Words on deaf ears though, she will continue as usual, making her own image of the events and set them in stone, irrespective of factuality or realism. That's Eliza, it's the way she has always been.

  Me, I am getting really pissed off with the whole thing.  I feel like packing a suitcase grab some cash and disappearing for ever.  But I love my Son and could not bear the devastation my absence would bring upon him.  He would also blame and hate his Mum for driving his Dad away.  So I cannot.

  Just sat here writing this and E came into the lodge and started getting out the new curtain boxes.
"If you could give me a hand?" She asked.
Seeing the intent I smartly replied.  "Just hold on.  I am not putting up those valences.  I've never installed them before and I don't intend to learn now."
She eventually settled for just the normal pole and curtain window and now accepts that it wont be I putting the others up.  She can find some other fool. So I fitted the pole, its in Liam's computer room, so he can close out the very early morning sun. Now its back to the lodge for a coffee and smoke. Left Eliza putting the three lamb legs in the oven for tomorrows picnic with the family.  That's yet another reason that demands staying in the UK, I really like them all.  They are a great family and really looking forwards to a quite chat with them over some delicious food. Just thinking, if Eliza thinks she is going to have me doing loads of odd jobs and fixing things for her perfect illusion until I leave, there's another think coming.  I have absolutely lost all interest in this palace that I built for my Princess at the time, in vain hope she would find it satisfactory. My time is on making money as quick as possible.  I need a few more grand in the bank and certainty of increased income and that has still not arrived  though, it must within the next eight weeks, if I can hold out that long. For now I am nothing more than her lover in the literal sense.  How long that will continue I know not.  With Eliza, she changes like the wind.  Just like a hitch hiker in life from one car to another. I gave up trying to predict her fantasy swings and sudden frantic must haves a while ago.

   Like I say, this day has always been a possibility.  The day my usefulness to her quest in life is finished.  If it wasn't the money trip there were two certain other possibilities for a long time.  Either she would suddenly decide to go off somewhere on her own to live some mission or calling or, she would decide to give up all materialism and want to live in the temple grounds in Japan as a child of the Buddha.  I guessed Mr Rich Dick and her drive for immense wealth would win. At least long term, I will be better off.  If either of the other two had happened, she would have of course expected me to financially support her chosen path by paying the rent.

  The atmosphere has been heavy today and I can feel the animosity building as she reasons more and more that all this breakup is my fault and my choice.   Yes, guilty as charged I am guilty of not providing the millions she desires.  God knows how hard I've tried over the years.  I thought at last we were getting it together with this place.  But I forgot yet again, everything is temporary in Eliza's world.  What is suitable today must be changed tomorrow for something better and so on.  Guess I am just another one of those unsuitable's now she has reached fifty and desires far greater. I ask you, how many fifty year olds out there dream of having Mr Rich Dick's and how many of them actually find them?  Even if they do, what price will it bring?  Short term pleasure maybe but long term security, love and respect?  No. That's the illusion. The fairy tale come true romance novel. To think that she is willing without hesitation to lose our relationship in pursuit of such a fantastical dream, is mind blowing and total devastation.   So it wont be long before the deep resentment will set in as she builds further upon the escapism of responsibility for this happening.  Such is the human nature to shift blame whenever possible and Eliza will certainly feel the need to offload a huge amount of responsibility.  All those times she has told me how we are soul mates and will always be together were just another part of the fantasy.  While there was a potential of achieving the financial status via me, all that was true.  But I have failed to achieve the desired level so the concept of soul mates is also failed.  Obviously so, because in the world I know, a true soul mate would not put such goals of fantasy before her mate, they are inseparables.  That is for much shallower relationships.  So now I wonder, Have I just been swept along all these years believing the soul mate stuff, when in actual fact I was just a small part of a much larger fantasy?  Have I just wasted sixteen years on false hope like some fool,  trying to satisfy a woman with unquenchable thirst across a parched dessert?  It feels like it.  This journey has been heavy and exhausting with moans not gratification at the end of it. A part of me will be so happy the day I leave here, though the rest of me will be empty and sad to leave so much behind, knowing how great it should have been with a few zeros on the bank balance. Only then would I have ever been completely 'Her man' and received her sincerest gratitude.

  Well I'm not her man any longer and if the bedtime intimacy suddenly stops, then the 'open marriage' part will follow very quickly of that I am sure. Going without is not on her agenda and if she cuts off from me, then she will certainly be asking Valencia for some discrete phone numbers.  Knowing Eliza the way I do, tomorrow anything could change.  When they were little changes years ago, they were sometimes fun.  But now they are massive and beyond normal reasoning.   In her old world, if you do not contribute and bring benefits to her life, you were thought of badly. Now, with this extreme zero tolerance to everything, you are out!  Completely cut off and only mentioned in distaste like all her ex-friends and family. Sure as fire, I am heading for that list and I don't need to do anything wrong to get on it, just wait a little.

Don't forget to choose and ad you like and click it.  It costs you nothing but helps towards my financial independence.