GET GONE
The Beginning of an End to a Beginning
by Eduardo

  Friday 27th 11:00
   Awoke around nine and laid for a while listening to Eliza on the phone talking about the going's on and decided to come down for a coffee.
It's her birthday today and she was busy getting made up for her day out up to the City, I suppose she's off with Valencia. It will be interesting to see if she decides to stay out tonight as she said she was going to do the other night. She sure looks great in her new dress and makeup, she may have just hit fifty today, but she can still make some heads turn. Lets hope for her sake she makes the right head turn and not one of the many Jackals that are out there.
   I bought her the laptop and don't really feel up to taking her out to celebrate anything right now as you can imagine. So she will not be very happy with me about that I suppose. Eliza's then one who wants showering with expensive things and celebrations every day, so why the hell should I feel like celebrating her new found dream of acquiring it. This relationship and constant daily involvement with her is still tearing me apart inside and I just want it over.
Even so there's a side of me that screams out. Go on it shouts. Go in and give her a big hug and say how much we need each other, tell her all the things I've said so many times and put a stop to this ludicrousness. But then the reality comes back with the same question. What for, just to buy a little more time with this woman? Somehow, I have to break her existence from my heart, otherwise I shall feel this pain for eternity. 
   She will possibly never know how much this one man cared about her and how deep the love she abandoned for riches. I genuinely believed her when she said we were soul mates. She told everybody and even I started saying and believing it after a while. What a fool I've been. I really believed her when she would tell me that soul mates never part, even in death. I felt that this was it at last, I had found someone that nothing could rip asunder. My life was sorted and we would live with each other forever in love. What a bloody great big clod I've been. So much believing that I never saw it coming. So besotted by her that I closed my eyes to all the obvious to others. Everyone we have met has been truly amazed at our closeness and the love shown and many over the years, have given me little pieces of warning advice about how maybe I'm a little too good towards her, or saying that I am spoiling her. What a shame Eliza never felt that, she would not be off to the city today without me if she had of done and what I really believed in at the time would now be true.
No, I certainly don't feel like celebrating being the stupid easy going fool who spent sixteen years chasing one enormous illusion. I'm not bitter, just very sad and upset at myself for believing in and loving someone so deeply and to such exclusion for so long.

  While all along, this has just been another fantasy journey for Eliza and like all things based upon fantasy, there is the inevitable confrontation between reality and fantasy and one must be destroyed. Faced with this choice, most people just give up the fantasy, especially Eliza sized ones, and get on with normal life. We all dream and fantasize during life. Its healthy and natural and we can often gain great strength or determination from such fantasy's. Or even, have a really good laugh about them and if they are harmless, we may even do some of them. That's the spice of life and something I've always enjoyed, which is another of the many reasons we were drawn together so closely. I didn't realise just how dangerous her fantasy's could be and I gave her too much common sense and intelligence to ever dream she would destroy us in her desperation to make them come true. I was so wrong and I freely admit it to all.
   She never told me. She told me a zillion times of her deeper than deep love for me and I to her. She told the world I was her soul mate and how for years, she had chanted for her right partner and the Buddha provided her with perfection in me.
I didn't even have anything to do with that!! It was not any of my actions or courting that led to our togetherness, it was always the mystic laws doing. Maybe I've never done anything at all in her eyes.

  Eliza has just come into the lodge looking really dolled up and asked for a lift down to the station and for me to pick up some more bubble wrap on the way back. As its her Birthday how could I refuse?
On the short drive to Kew station, I felt very sad and tears were welling again. I managed to keep it controlled and when she turned for a quick peck before getting out of the car, I hope she did not notice my watery eyes. Maybe not, as her reading eyesight is very poor.
   Now back at my desk, I realise of course she will be home tonight, Liam comes home from school around five. So we might all eat some decent nourishing food tonight for a change. Its been snacks and sandwiches all week, except for one quick hot meal and I've lost seven kilos over the past two weeks. So I guess tonight we will order a home delivery dinner and bottle of wine.
Tomorrow, I believe Eliza expects us to all go out for lunch somewhere and celebrate her birthday. I suppose for Liam's sake I had better enjoy it or appear so anyway. Mind you I could look upon it as our parting meal.
I am sat here now thinking of how there is very little recollection of the past two weeks, it all happened at such velocity and ferocity. Maybe as I sub consciously know its all been written down and can be recalled, my brain has not bothered to store much of it, which makes logical sense of efficiency. Maybe if I went back and read it all I would feel different now.
I recalled the conversation over coffee this morning and we started talking about some of the old stuff. I was in the adjoining bathroom and she was talking about who my new companion, who in her mind she has all perfectly arranged and settled for. Never mind what I want. With Eliza one must always guard what one says. Yesterday I told her about this Ugandan lady who is nice. Today she has me partnered up done up in a bow.
"Oh you will be alright." She said. "Fill your stomach and empty your balls twice a week at her place."
"Don't be silly." I laughed back. "I've only chatted to her twenty four hours ago and a couple of emails, mainly about work. But." I added. "When I mentioned something about food to her she did say something about a specialty."
Then I couldn't help adding.
"Anyway my dear. At least the things I could do for her or anyone for that matter, would be miniature in comparison to your demands and at least the rewards back would be sincere in heartfelt gratitude. Yes, that sounds nice to me. Some praise for a change."
As I returned to the kitchen, Eliza still kept the conversation decidedly black and asked.
"If you've always liked black women so much, as you told me you liked their bottoms, why didn't you marry one?"
I looked back with a smile and said.
"You seem to be under a very big illusion that I cant resist black women. I may have said once about their bottoms, but that doesn't make me black woman crazy."
"But you do like them don't you?" She insisted.
"Yes." I replied. "I also like Indian women." There karma seems peaceful.
The conversation then followed along which other colours I liked or disliked and about latin women's wild ways.
Somehow the talk came back to my very near future and what I would be doing.
"Yes." I told her. "I will be okay. A nice companion somewhere to feed the royal belly and clean the royal penis, like Going to America. And come home to my nice castle cleaned by the nice maid. Sounds realistic, peaceful and good to me."
"So I suppose your going to Mombassa and bringing her back with you then?"
It was the first time she has mentioned 'her' in any subdued tones.
"I'm going to ask the readers what to do?" I casually replied. "Putting up a voting box so they decide certain things. Make it interactive my dear."
"If they say yes." I continued. "Then that's it. And that's the way I lead my life from now on, more in the mainstream and not on the desolate fringes."
"So are you going to contact her then?" She enquired to know.
"I have her sister or mothers number from the phone bill and hopefully she still has access to her email address. I shall write to her and apologise first." I said, expecting a sudden turn from her, but no. Quite and calm about it all at last.
"Why apologise?" She asked.
"For the shame of losing her job." I replied. "Its a big thing for them you know. To be sacked and sent home like that. A huge disgrace." She didn't agree or disagree with my words.
"Anyway." I added before getting ready to leave. "Just imagine Eliza. If I have a black girlfriend, a black maid and then we get a black postman and black milkman. The whole neighbourhood will turn black!" I laughed, but she did not bite.
"Just keep our son away from them. I don't want him having sex with any black woman." And that was it, me off to work and her chanting.

  15:53
   Have at last managed to find a vacancy for fourteen days in an all inclusive resort at Bamburi beach Mombassa. So have just booked it for the only period left available starting of all dates on my birthday, July tenth. So Liam will be delighted that Dad is good for his promise. The place is full of activities and sports so he should enjoy while Dad relaxes by the pool sipping a cool drink and figures a few things out for his future solo existence.

  An absolutely gorgeous little three bed cottage with a courtyard has just come up in a quite mews in center of a local town and only five minutes from the tube. Its absolutely heavenly and very tastefully furnished with all the mod cons. I know she wanted a flat, but this place must melt her stone. I've printed it out and will show it to her later. Its slightly over budget, but an absolute dream of a place for any person and has everything she needs.

  Maybe things are coming together at last with the help of a lot of money.

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